Previously, on American Idol: “Songs from the 1980s”

Have I ever told you guys how much I hate Jessica? I really do. Just thought I’d mention that before we start the show.

Now on to the show! Ryan comes out and high fives all the lucky bastards in the front row. Why haven’t I moved to LA yet? I should have done it before David Cook skipped town. I can’t very reasonably split my time between LA and Nashville. The applause for the judges just gets louder and more ridiculous every day. I wonder if they’re instructed to be so loud or if they really love Idol that much.

The judges are live-tweeting during the show, but since I’m not watching this live and since I don’t really understand how to work Twitter, I won’t pay much attention to that.

This week’s theme is the contestants picking songs for their opponents. Randy Jackson points out that this does not mean sabotage. Shut up, Randy. Let them sabotage Jessica if they want to. There’s a video montage of everybody making suggestions for everybody else. If I were there, I’d give Caleb a Miley Cyrus song. Like “Wrecking Ball” or one of her old Hannah Montana jams. That’d be hilarious.

Caleb is up first, making the confession that he loves tennis and keeps his roommate Alex up all night with his snoring. And also, he’s afraid of spiders. But who isn’t? So, the contestants are all given the list of songs the other has chosen, and they pick one. Caleb has picked Alex’s choice, “Family Tree” by Kings of Leon. I don’t know this song. The only Kings of Leon song I know is “Sex on Fire”, which is me and Zachary Quinto’s song. Anyway, on to Caleb. He does a great job, of course, because he can’t do less than great. The judges think it was a great song choice.

So, hilariously enough, my DVR cut out for a few minutes, and it was during Jessica’s whole performance. That’s great. Normally I’d be mad, but it’s Jessica so whatevs. So much the better for me. I also missed some Demi Lovato, whom I love, but she didn’t sing, so I guess I’ll get over it.

Sam and Alex are dueting with “Let Her Go”. I love this song. It’s on a CD in my car that I’ve been listening to for weeks. I love these two, but I’m not sure I like their take on it, though. It’s sped up a little bit. The judges don’t like the arrangement, either. Neither did Demi Lovato.

Back from commercial, I don’t know why the judges are talking to Terry Bradshaw, but here ya have it.

CJ loves watching Spongebob and always has to clean up roommate Dexter’s drawers cause he’s a slob, and CJ is a neat freak. My fiance is a neat freak, and it drives me crazy. So I sympathize with Dexter on this one. Just relax and leave shit where it is! Anyway, CJ is doing “Gravity” by John Mayer, chosen for him by Caleb. Oooh, I like this song. CJ sounds great! I remember I wasn’t sure about this guy at the beginning of the seasoning, and I couldn’t tell him and two other black guys apart. I was wrong about him. He’s awesome. Harry calls it his best performance to date.

CJ chooses “Muckalee Creek Water” for Dexter. It’s the typical type of country song you’d expect to hear Dexter sing. Keith thought it was okay, Jen liked it (but also thought that he and everybody else needed to bring it more now that we’re getting closer to the end), and Harry liked the arrangement but thought that vocally it was too much like the original.

Caleb and Jena are next with a duet of “Gimme Shelter”. I’m not a Stones fan. I only know this song from Rock Band, but they do a great job together. Jen calls it “a moment”. The judges all loved it, but Keith wants to see someone “cut loose” on stage.

Jena reminds me so much of Demi Lovato that I want them to stand next to each other to see how confused I can get. Wait, Demi is suddenly no where in sight. Hmmm… maybe they’re the same person. Oh wait, she’s still here. But they’re shown on a split screen, not together, so I’m still not convinced.

Next up is Alex singing “A Team” chosen by Dexter. I absolutely love this song. This is a good song choice for Alex because his style is similar to Ed Sheeran’s. The audience won’t stop cheering for him. And Jen goes, “I agree with them, Alex.” The judges all call it a perfect song for him. This was Harry’s favorite performance of the night and mine, too.

Jessica has chosen “Sail Away” for Sam. Not the Styx version, as I originally hoped for, but a different song that I don’t know. Leave it to Jessica to disappoint me. This song is okay, though. Sam sounds cute, but it’s kind of a boring song. The judges thought he should have done a more familiar song, but thought that he was more comfortable tonight.

Now we’ve got Jessica, CJ, and Dexter singing a Lady Antebellum song. I don’t like her at all, but a female voice blended with CJ and Dexter sounds nice. But nobody else thought so, especially Demi. Her opinion on this topic is law.

Last up is Jena. I really like this girl, and you know I don’t care much for women, so that means something coming from me. Caleb has chosen “Creep” for Jena. That’s an odd choice, but… not an odd choice, at the same time. She starts out with just her and the piano and then guitar and drums kick in. It’s pretty amazing. I almost want to cry from how great it is. Performances like this one make me wish I watched the shows live instead of the night after, so I could vote. The judges give her a standing O, and Caleb looks like a proud momma. I think this finale needs to come down to Jena and Caleb.

Thursday Night: Results

I’m not sure what this is about, but before we go any further, I’m just gonna leave this here.

I don’t know why, but Kevin Bacon introduces the beginning of the show. Then Ryan comes in and tries to get him to leave, but then lets him say “This is American Idol” before shoving him off camera. I love this show, but even though I love this show, I got shit to do, so we’re gonna fast forward to the end. The bottom two are Dexter and Jessica. And Jessica is safe! NOOOO!! WHY!??!!! Why won’t she ever leave?! Next week shall be her week. Until then, peace out!

Send to Kindle