Previously on The Slap, ‘Anouk‘

This episode is titled ‘Manolis’ and I know I’m not alone when I said, “Who the fuck is Manolis?” He’s Hector’s father, as it turns out, and he has trouble sleeping. He’s rude to his wife, she’s nags him. Ya know, typical long married couple stuff. Then he slaps her.

I’m just kidding. He doesn’t slap her. But don’t believe that shit doesn’t run in the family.

Manolis is a tiny man. He’s like a grown up Ryan Seacrest. Everyone keeps talking to him about someone named “Demetrios” and telling Manolis he should go see him. I have no idea, but whoever he is he’s dying. Manolis’s friend, who is a lawyer, tells him he should “fornicate a little” because he does with his secretary and thank God for this little pills that help her keep him up all night. Gross. Old men shouldn’t be having sex. They should be playing cribbage.

Manolis wants Harry to see this lawyer friend of his, but Harry has his own skeezy lawyer. They all meet up in a bar anyway, but everyone’s Greek accent is so thick that I have no idea what is going on. I’m assuming the old guy is trying to talk everybody into cheating on their wives some more. As they move on to dinner, it makes more sense. The lawyer has dug up any tiny thing Rosie or Gary have ever done to prove they are unfit parents. Hector is unhappy with this underhanded turn, but Harry wants to hear more. If the waiter came over and slapped them all right now, I’d personally drive to the restaurant and give him a huge tip. Then Zachary Quinto could give me the tip. Wait. What?

Rosie and Gary have a meeting with their lawyer, who says the same thing people have been telling Rosie all along. That this isn’t a case easily won. They have no proof, they have nothing to show anything. Rosie says, “Yeah, but you could hear the slap.” You know, the way you can hear all things that make sound. This woman is a moron. And then the lawyer slaps her.

I’m just kidding. She doesn’t slap her. But somebody should. I’m okay with everybody on this show slapping everybody else on this show. The lawyer asks is their kid a little shit, because that stuff is going to be asked. She asks does Harry slap people often, cause that is going to be asked too. Everybody’s lack of response is the only answer we need. It should be noted Gary is just done with everything. You can tell he’s tired and just doesn’t care. He’s only in on this because his wife wants it and that’s what husbands do.

Fast forward to a barbecue at Manolis’ house. Shouldn’t these people stop having these get togethers and especially stop inviting Harry? He’s even drinking a beer, which a man with his anger management issues probably shouldn’t be doing. He gets along fine with everybody though, even plays with and kisses Hector’s kids. But hey, even a rabid lion can be nice once in a while. But damn, he looks good.

Manolis has an episode on the street that effects his heart. He goes over to Aisha’s clinic to get checked out. At first I was confused because I thought this was a “woman’s services” clinic, but then I remembered that was just a joke I made last week about Connie. Who, by the way, is still working here, and can’t stop gushing to Manolis about Hector. Connie’s all, “Where’s Hector? How’s Hector? I miss Hector. I love Hector. Hector, Hector, Hector.” While he’s there, Manolis tries to talk Aisha into getting Rosie to drop the charges. She says she won’t. But tells him about the night, years back, when Harry’s wife showed up in the middle of the night with a cut on her face, where Harry had hit her. It’s a secret they both kept all these years. He’s probably done it again since and she hasn’t said anything, because any woman knows if you keep telling someone that your husband is hitting you, they’re gonna tell you to kick his ass to the curb, and you’re not going to want to do it. Because she knows what Harry has done, she’s behind Rosie and Gary in pressing charges against Harry. I don’t blame her, I guess.

Manolis is so upset about finding this out, he goes to confront Harry at his work. Harry ain’t trying to hear it. He blames Aisha for stirring things up and then denies he ever hit his wife. Oh, the lies. I don’t believe him and neither does Manolis. We both know a wife beater when we see one. Manolis leaves Harry and goes to visit the mysterious Demetrios, who is indeed dying. Man, why do they gotta drag death into this? I’m just here to see a brat get slapped. I’m not here for your doses of reality.

I really don’t like that they’re giving all the characters side stories. They don’t matter. This is a mini series. There’s a slap, a few episodes, the end. What does Anouk’s baby and baby-baby daddy or Manolis’s dying friend have to do with any of this? Is Demetrios a time traveling grown up version of Hugo? That’s a whole other show altogether.