Previously on The Walking Dead: “Home”

Even after the events of last week, Tricky Rick and his funky bunch are still divided; half the group wants to leave the prison and try to run from The Governor, and the other half wants to stay right where they are. Rick is one who wants to stay, presumably because of he still has visions of Lori dancing in his head. He’s still indecisive about the whole thing, though, and Hershel is good and damn tired of it; he yells at Rick about the fact that he’s been looney tunes lately, and it’s cost Axel his life. Hershel just wants Rick to do something; anything. On top of that, Carl approaches Rick, too (that little dude is really too big for his britches, but I guess he earned it by killing his own mother, and all…). Carl wants Rick to stop being the team’s leader and let Hershel and Daryl take over. For being such a little shit, he really does have a good idea, there.

Over in Woodbury, Andrea confronts The Governor about his attack on the prison. Even when she’s right, she’s so annoying that she’s wrong; she makes me think I’m wrong about all of this. Maybe The Governor should continue attacking the prison. Still, she says she’s going to the prison to talk to her “friends”, even though I’m pretty sure they would shoot her on sight. He tells her, if she goes to the prison, she should stay there. Meanwhile, The Governor is planning to militarize everyone in town-everyone who can hold a gun, at least. He’s raising an army; a militia, and he’s clearly planning an all-out assault on everyone, not just Rick and his wacky pals.

Back in the prison, shit is still falling apart, as the group is low on food and even lower on camaraderie. Nobody is happy to have Merle on-board… well, “nobody” is basically just Glenn; everyone else is willing to tolerate him, but Glenn’s bitching is causing Daryl to go all grumpy cat on everybody. Hershel, again, tries to keep the peace by reminding Glenn that Merle has military experience that could be helpful, but Glenn doesn’t even hear it and offers the solution of trading Merle to The Governor for a “truce”. This new, pissed off Glenn isn’t very smart, and I hate that I’m starting to dislike him.

Hershel, playing master peacemaker in this episode, then hobbles himself over to cell Merle now calls home and tries to dazzle him with “book learnings”, but Merle surprises him by revealing that he spent a lot of time in Woodbury’s “excellent” library, so he’s no fool-well, at least he’s not an unlearned fool. Merle then shares more knowledge he’s gathered by relaying to Hershel exactly what The Governor will do once he returns to the prison. Michael Rooker nails this scene. Now that Axel’s obviously not around anymore, Carol realizes she gets to go back to flirting with Daryl, and she seems a-okay with that.

Andrea goes Yoko Ohno on The Governor and Milton by trying to convince Milton to cover for her while she sneaks off to the prison. How does she think this is a good idea? Is there anyone on the planet who doesn’t think Milton is going to go straight to The Governor and tell him of her plans? Nobody, right? Good, because that’s exactly what Milton does! Again, she makes a good point that Woodbury is turning into a gigantic pile of doom just waiting to implode because it’s ran by a lunatic who has resorted to raising a child army, but why does she think his right-hand man will help her? Why? Because she’s stupid. I agree with her, again, but she makes me disagree with myself! The Governor, being his usual “I like to play mind games” self, tells Milton to help Andrea.

Milton’s help provides us with a fantastically interesting scene where we see Andrea “tame” a walker; that is to say, they tackle it, remove its arms and curbstomp its race into a rock to remove its lower jaw. Now they have a “diversionary tactic” to keep the walkers away. While Andrea and Milton are doing this, Tyreese and his group show up (you know, the ones Rick drove out of the prison with his cuckoo banana shenanigans); they ask if they would be welcome in Woodbury, and Milton agrees to take them to the town, while Andrea goes forward to the prison, alone. Later, when Milton gets Tyreese and his group to Woodbury, they tell The Governor they were run out of the prison by Rick, and The Governor drools (he may even lactate) over the idea that he gets to exploit more people for his personal gain.

Andrea comes moseying up to the prison yard, with her walker on a leash, like she had just been out on a Sunday stroll; she’s trying super hard to be Michonne, but she’s so very much not Michonne. In fact, as Andrea is approaching the gate, Michonne is seen staring at Andrea, as if she missed her, but I’m going to say she was side-eyeing her for trying to steal Michonne’s act. They let Andrea into the prison yard, but Rick is all business; asking if she’s alone and going “cop” on her with orders to “get on the ground!” It’s nice to see because, you know, fuck Andrea.

There is an intriguing moment, though, when they get back inside the prison, and Andrea starts asking about the members of the team who aren’t there. She’s like, “Where’s Shane? Lori?” Hershel speaks up that Lori had a girl-little Asskicker, of course-but Lori didn’t make it. Then Maggie chimes in, “Neither did T-Dogg!” You just know everyone else was like, “T-Dogg? Who?” Then Andrea gets the cold shoulder from absolutely everyone. Because she deserves it. However, she’s still Andrea, so she doesn’t understand. She thinks she should just be accepted back like nothing happened.

And she has the balls to blame Michonne! She thinks Michonne turned the group against her; why can’t she accept that she’s a dumbass, and that’s why nobody likes her? Michonne sets her straight, though; she basically tells Andrea that she made her own stupid bed, and now she has to lay in it… all stupid-like. Andrea goes on to get Judgey McJudgerson about how Rick has become “cold”; Carol shuts that shit down, though, and ostensibly call Andrea out on the fact that she’s a whore. She tells Andrea to sleep with The Governor and get him to drop his guard so she can kill him. Eventually, the group gives Andrea a car (a parting gift, if you will) to get her to get the fuck out of there. Rick tells her to be careful, but you know he doesn’t really care what happens to her.

As Andrea is driving up to the walls of Woodbury, we see all of the guns are trained on her, and we get a nice shot of two kids who don’t know what the hell they are doing; they have to be told to “get down” by the older guards. The Governor’s eagerness to weaponize the townspeople is his weakness; a child army is an inevitably failing army. After Andrea gets out of the car, you can see the disappointment on everyone’s faces; they’re just like, “Oh, it’s this bitch?” Nobody likes her! She not wanted anywhere by anyone. She takes herself into The Governor’s room and “reveals” to him that she went to the prison. He asks if Rick sent her back, and she goes, “No, that was my call.” It’s like she thinks she is way more important than she is; nobody cares where you go, Andrea! Your decisions mean nothing! Of course, The Governor doesn’t tell her that; he tells her she “belongs” in Woodbury because he knows she’s stupid enough to keep buying his bullshit.

Back at the prison, we’re treated to the vocal stylings of Beth Greene, Hershel’s youngest daughter that I’m almost certain nobody ever remembers exists until she does something; she sings a song that sounds like it would be right at home in the catalog of Miranda Lambert or Zooey Deschanel. The whole group is pretty much standing around in the dark-well, around a lantern-and they seem to be meshing together a little better since Andrea’s visit. I think it’s because they realize they’re at least doing well enough to not have her on their team. Rick, who was unexpectedly uncrazy this week, says they’re going to try and match The Governor’s arsenal, so he has to go on a run outside to find weapons. He’ll take Michonne and Carl-you know, because Carl’s totally a man, now-and they’ll leave Daryl and Hershel at the prison to make sure Merle doesn’t start shit.

The episode ends by taking us back to Woodbury. We see that Andrea did, in fact, sleep with The Governor; he did, in fact, drop his guard. She sneaks out of bed and gets a knife. Is she actually going to “end this”, as Carol told her to do? Of course she fucking isn’t! She ain’t a Judas. Come on, man; she’s Andrea, remember? She does nothing good. Nothing.

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