Atlanta - S2E3 - Money Bag Shawty

Previously on Atlanta, “Sportin’ Waves”

Sometimes, certainly not always, you have to be thankful for the unwarranted enmity and irregular emotions of Whyte women. If only because their overreactions and theatrical posturing can triple your revenue stream overnight.

This was the case for Paper Boi after ‘lilysmom_11’ snapped a story about how his latest banger caused a kerfuffle within this mother’s safe space. It was a pitch perfect parody of this lady’s critique of Vince Staples’ “Norf Norf” and hip hop in general, which is easy material for Atlanta to subvert and make a mockery of those deliciously abundant White Tears. As for Paper Boi’s bars, well…

Perhaps a few of the lyrics are spicy, but Blair Busbee hit all the right buttons as this nameless social media savior that wanted to condemn Paper Boi. Thanks to Lily’s Mom’s viral mini-breakdown, Al’s latest single went Gold. Paper Boi’s name is spreading and with it a lot of unwanted attention, as viewers saw when Al, Darius and Earn’s celebration - brought to you by 1800 Tequila… drink responsibly™ - was interrupted by their say we say overly enthusiastic server. Now that Al has the smallest taste of success, everyone is trying to latch on to him and get their shine on too. Of course Earn would think all the attention Al is getting is cool because he never had it, but he and Darius scoff at his remark because Atlanta is a stuntin’ town… as long as you have the money, you have a chance to out-stunt everybody. While the two of them attempt to keep things low key for most of “Money Bag Shawty”, Earn and his on-again girl Van (hey, Zazie!) go hard with little money he’s making and surprise, surprise Marks’ ego takes another hard hit in the process.

Before Earn and Van’s big night out, Al and Darius chill at the studio while Clark County (RJ Walker) laid out a few tracks… or at least he attempted to record something but the program kept crashing, much to the engineer’s fear. It didn’t take long for Darius and Al to realize Clark County was two-faced; everybody sees this jovial, kinda dorky rapper that peddles Yoohoo may collect stamps for all we know. Basically, his image is safe. This all changes when Clark is in the studio, or at least when other rappers like Paper Boi and his best friend Boogz (Donald Paul) are present. Still, it shouldn’t be too surprising that a dude like CC is timebomb waiting for the right moment to blow up.

Listen, we all hate when things don’t turn out how we like. It’s part of life. We come to expect a few disappoints here and there. But Clark… ol’ boy needs to take up edibles or something. One could say it’s the stresses of trying to make it in music but nah, he’s a straight up Tommy Bahama-wearing demon. After the second error occurs, Clark stares down the engineer like he stole his lunch money and said he was going to take a walk, which we all know is code for “Boogz, beat this fool’s ass for me”. Al and Darius picked up what they were putting down and bounced, ending the segment in an awkward fashion.

As for Van and Earn, they were getting robbed everywhere they went. Between the surreal moment at the movie theater when the attendant refused to break his Benji AND wanted to copy his ID and debit card, that same employee gladly accepting Mr. Stand Your Ground’s c-note seconds later, and the Nigerian club owner (Conphidance) pressing Earn for more money after accusing him of using counterfeits, it just wasn’t their night to stunt. By the time the entire gang heads to the Onyx strip club, Earn is getting robbed by some real pros. Double charging for bottle service. A twenty percent take for exchanging money. Even the disembodied voice the club DJ recognized how lame Earn is and shamed him into throwing a few dollars on the stage.

I may not be a regular patron of those particular establishments, but most folks know that if you’re planning a night out in a strip club, you better prepare to be robbed. To add insult to injury, Earn had a “fuck it” moment and honestly believed he could beat Michael Vick in a footrace. Yeah, that Mike Vick. The 2001 number one pick in the NFL Draft Mike Vick. The 4.33 40 yard dash Mike Vick. The four time Pro Bowler Mike Vick.

Earn, you stupid. Somebody please rob him of his money before he does real damage to himself.