Game of Thrones - S5E1 - The Wars to Come

Previously on Game of Thrones, ‘The Children’

Maggy the Frog

Young Cersei bullies her scared friend into following her into the swamps to visit a witch who can supposedly see the future. Tywin won’t like it, her friend warns. “You don’t need to be afraid of my father,” Cersei replies. The You should, however, be afraid of me isn’t said, but totally implied.

Cersei barges into the witch’s hut and demands her fortune told. After sucking on a bit of Cersei’s blood, the witch gives Cersei three questions. Her first is, “Will I marry the prince?” Here, she’s talking about Rhaegar Targaryen, Daenerys’ brother. The witch says she will not, but she will marry the king. All Cersei cares about is being queen and she asks the witch to confirm that is the case. It is, she says, until another more beautiful and much younger comes along. Welp. What about children? Cersei wants to know will she have any. The king will have 20, but she will have only 3. And they’ll each have a golden crown and a golden shroud. Cersei’s friend has heard enough and wants to leave. The witch cackles as they do.

Bad news: Cersei was always a twat. Good news: Sounds like she’s going to get what’s coming to her.

So, does this mean Cersei will outlive all three of her children? With Tommen poised to wed Margaery, who has married two kings right before they died, and with Myrcella in Dorne with the family of Oberyn Martell, this is highly possible. 

Present day Cersei is escorted to the sept by Ser Manton. She breezes past the Lord and Ladies waiting to pay their respects to Tywin. They can wait. Cersei wants to be alone with her father’s body. Inside, Jaime stands guard over Tywin’s corpse. He’s worried everything their father built for them will be challenged now that the elder Lannister is gone. Cersei brushes off his concerns. Their real enemy is Tyrion, who at least had the balls to kill their father on purpose, unlike Jaime who killed him by accident and stupidity. Oh, Cersei. You always worry about the wrong shit. 

At a service for Tywin, Loras fumbles to find the right words to express his condolences to Cersei. She’s not even listening because she’s busy side-eye’ing the fuck out of Margaery cozying up to Tommen. She brushes past Pycelle, who wants to talk about how he knew Varys wasn’t shit.

You know what gets Cersei attention? Her cousin Lancel, all grown up. He’s also a Sparrow: a shoeless, robed, devout follower of The Seven. Kevan Lannister apologizes for his son’s attire and crazy religion talk.

Alone with Cersei, Lancel apologizes to her for all that sex they had, and for helping her spike Robert’s wine so he’d get gorged by a boar. Cersei plays dumb to all of those shenanigans. It’s like she thinks he’s wearing a wire under that robe.

Loras and Olyver are trying to have alone sexy time when Margeary barges in and announces it’s dinner time. She rudely suggests Olyver pound some sand and tells her brother he needs to be more discreet. He reminds her it’s Kings Landing where everyone knows everyone else’s business. He’s also convinced he won’t be marrying Cersei now that Tywin is gone, which sucks for sister since that mean Cersei will be going to Highgarden and leave Margaery to get her queen on in peace. Margaery isn’t so sure Cersei will be a problem.

Tyrion - Pentos

Tyrion finally has an opportunity to stretch his legs as he’s released from his crate. He and Varys have arrived in Pentos. They’re at the home of Varys’ colleague, Ilyrio Mapotis. Ilyrio is the man who brokered Dany’s marriage to Khal Drogo. We know from the conversation Arya overheard in season one that Varys and Ilyrio are very much #TeamKhalesei. 

Doesn’t seem like Tyrion is interested in joining their cause. He’d rather drink and sit on the pity pot - not to be confused with the privy pot his father was sitting shitting on when Tyrion murdered him. 

The next day, Tyrion is still drinking. Varys explains his plan to see a good leader take The Iron Throne, and his money is on Daenerys. Tyrion is welcome to go with him to meet the Targaryen queen, or he can just mope around and drink his life away. Tyrion opts to go, and drink on the way there.

Daenerys - Meereen

Daenerys has finally gotten around to tearing down the giant harpy atop the great pyramid. After one Unsullied, White Rat, oversees the toppling, he heads to the Alley o’ Hookers for a little afterwork delight. He pays a prostitute to spoon with him, stroke his hair, and hum a song. He’s practically purring when his throat is slit by a stranger in a gold mask. The prostitute just watches him die, her face expressionless.

So, basically, he came to spoon and got forked.

Daenerys reacts to the news of White Rat’s death predictably and understandably: she’s pissed. The Sons of the Harpy have caused trouble for her before, but they’ve never been violent. She wants White Rat buried with honor, which will send a message to The Sons

Missandei visits The Unsullied’s quarters to speak with Grey Worm. She wants to know why White Rat, or any Unsullied for that matter, would have need of a prostitute. Grey Worm does not know. Good answer, Grey Worm. Good answer. 

Hizdar Zo Loraq and Daario return from Yunkai where they’ve managed to restore order through compromise. However, things would go a lot easier if Daenerys reopened the fighting pits - where slaves used to fight to the death - for free men to fight free men. Deanerys refuses.

Later, in bed with Daario, she’s shocked to learn that he thinks she should re-open the pits. He tells a story about his prostitute mother, who sold him to a man who trained fighters for the pits. He made his owner so much money, he was freed after his master’s death. Which led him to The Second Sons and her. So, what the fuck this got to do with the pits?

Her talk with him does remind Daernerys of the fact that she owns fucking dragons she can’t control. No one has seen Drogon’s ass in forever - he out in them Meereenese streets - and the other two have been locked up in the catacombs. She decides to visit them. They don’t want to hear shit she has to say. They screech, breathe fire, and basically tell her to fuck off. Daenerys promptly fucks off ’cause fire.

Sansa - ???

Sansa and Littlefinger drop off Robin with Lord Royce. LIttlefinger hopes Royce can train Robin to be a proper fighter and leader his name demands. Royce watches as Robin spars with another boy and thinks Littlefinger is asking a bit much.

On the road, Sansa wants to know why Littlefinger told Royce they were headed to The Fingers when they’re going in the wrong direction. Cause Littlfinger doesn’t trust anyone. Hell, he won’t tell her where they are going, only that it is some place not even Cersei Lannister could get her hands on Sansa.

Their carriage rides right past Brienne and Podrick who were fighting on the side of the road. She’s all cranky cause she just went 10 rounds with The Hound. Podrick thinks they still have an obligation to find Sansa and he intends to continue being her squire. She berates him because like I said, cranky.

Jon Snow - The Wall

Jon trains Olly the Ginger Minge Killer in the courtyard of Castle Black. He’s tough on the kid, but not because the kid murdered his lover, but because The Night’s Watch needs the men. Gilly is nearby with Sam and notes that Alliser Thorne still does not want her there, which makes it extra scary if he’s voted the new Lord Commander. Sam assures her he will go wherever she goes.

Melisandre tells Jon that the king would like a word with him. They ride the lift to the top of The Wall. Along the way, he notes that she doesn’t seem cold. The Lord of Light is within her. To prove it, she places his hand on her face. He looks impressed and a bit disturbed. She wants to know if he’s a virgin. He is not. Good, she says. This bitch.

Atop the wall, Stannis tells Jon he means to take Winterfell from Roose Bolton, the man who betrayed and murdered Jon’s brother. As much as Jon would love to stick a direwolf up Roose’s ass, he cannot assist Stannis as he’s sworn to protecting The Wall. Stannis doesn’t want any crows. He wants the wildlings Mance was so kind to deliver. He will offer them land and citizenship. But he needs Jon to convince Mance to tell his people they should take the offer, and Mance needs to bend the knee. And Jon has until sundown because Stannis is sick of all the plotting and waiting he did in season three and half of four.

Jon visits with Mance and tries to convince him to swallow his pride, bend the knee, and save his people. He tells him about Stannis’ offer. Mance refuses, even after learning that his execution will be by fire. He will not ask his people to die fighting for Stannis. I gotta say, I appreciate where he’s coming from: It’s one thing to convince people to risk their lives for freedom and to escape the dangers on their side of the wall. It’s entirely another to ask them to risk their lives for someone else.

Mance is marched into the courtyard and tied to a stake. Melisandre monologues for way too long before lighting the flame. When she does, Mance is quiet at first. As the flames begin to rise, Jon walks away. Just as Mance begins to yelp, an arrow pierces his chest. Jon has seen to it that Mance dies with a modicum of dignity.

Overall Thoughts:

• This was a solid premiere, but a tad underwhelming. As a book reader, I’ve worried that once the show covered the two books which were told concurrently, the pacing of the show would change and maybe not for the best.
• I did find myself caring about something I never had before: where Sansa goes next.
• No Arya, no Dorne, and no Qyburn and The Mountain.
• Curious about the note slipped to Littlefinger.
• Ten points to Lannister for Jaime noting, correctly, that “they” want Cersei and Jaime to fight, to have her focused on Tyrion. Makes it easy for them to swoop in and steal the throne. Too bad Cersei is obsessed with Tyrion.
• Loved Maggy the Frog. She was kinda sexy and not at all what I expected. I also wonder if we’ll be seeing her again. I thought there was more to what she told Cersei.