Scandal - S3E16 - The Fluffer
Previously on Scandal, ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’
I’ve about had it with Olivia Pope. Seriously.
I mean, I get it. Your parents are both terrifying psychopaths so you really didn’t stand a chance of being a well-adjusted adult who makes the proper professional and romantic decisions. But damn. Anyway, let’s get into what went down last night and make sure you tune in to our podcast to hear my full thoughts and our scene-by-scene recap.
Olivia sends Abby to the White House to act as her proxy. I assume it’s because Olivia just needs a fucking break from being in the middle of all that married-white-people drama. Anyway, Abby’s sharp white coat isn’t enough to make everyone give a fuck that she’s not Olivia or to give a fuck about the slight bump in the polls they gained with women. One by one, Fitz, Mellie, and How The Fuck Does He Still Have a Job Andrew, leave the room.
Olivia is meeting with her dad to lay down some ground rules on their working together. You would think these rules would start with or at least include: Don’t lie to me. But no. She wants assurances that Eli won’t kill Fitz. Because, as always, Fitz is Olivia’s number one priority. Eli reminds Olivia that Fitz is doing a great job ruining his own life and promises he won’t touch a hair on Fitz’s head, but he didn’t say anything about the hair on Fitz’s presidential balls. I have a feeling Eli would slice them off and serve ’em up to Fitz if he had the chance. Then he explains how there’s some complicated algorithm that allows B613 to siphon money from the government in small portions and then funnels it to a black box account.
Olivia tells Harrison, David, and Huck what they need to do and Huck is immediately suspicious as to where Olivia got her intel. When she admits it was her dad, he storms out the room and she follows. Huck tries to tell her that her daddy is playing her like spades, but Olivia says this is what they need to do. He refuses and she promptly reminds him that he works for her and that sometimes we do shit we don’t want to do, but we do it anyway.
Andrew approaches Mellie in the hallway at the White House and she’s like, “I ain’t got the time!” He chooses this very public place to tell her she deserves a man who really loves her, not one that is playing the part. Mellie walks off, obviously more aware than Andrew that this is neither the time or the place.
While Reston is visiting his wife in prison, the news is blowing up with news that Janine Locke has written a book about her affair with the president: Taken For Granted. *snort* While talking to the press, she’s asked if the president is a breadstick or a baguette? She assures women everywhere that Fitz has a big dick. I think Olivia almost passed out from rolling her eyes so hard.
Cyrus is furious that they’re going to go down in flames over a baguette. Sally is taking advantage of this drama by reminding people that Fitz has Can’t Keep Dick In Pants Syndrome.
Cyrus wants to leak the fact that Sally’s teenage daughter had abortions, but Olivia wants to stay above the fray. In private, all Fitz wants to talk about is the fact that Mellie fucked Andrew and he wants Andrew gone. Olivia tells him that’s a rookie move and he’ll lose. He’ll also lose if Mellie doesn’t stand by him so he needs to make nice with them both. Then she has a pity party about how fucked their situation is and he reminds her that she’s a grown-ass woman and wasn’t forced into any of this. Yup.
Jake instructs Quinn and Jake to follow Maya, and Quinn shows surprise that they’re following Olivia’s mother. Jake asks if that will be a problem and she says no, but Charlie doesn’t look so sure. Also, when the fuck did she become Agent Perkins?
Maya is with her boo thang, who is played by the guy who played Jerry Jax on General Hospital. Apparently, he’s been waiting 22 years to hit that again. Also of note: the swirl runs in the Pope family. No wonder Eli hates white men. Anyway, Maya requests that her man bring her flowers and then flashes all of Ivan’s cash so I’m guessing we’re not really talking about flowers here.
Cyrus walks in on Leo talking mad shit about Fitz and he calls Ethan to tell him it’s time to get into the fray. Meanwhile, Harrison meets with Claire and asks for her help in tracking down Mama Pope, but Claire ain’t about that life.
Olivia is in bed when she gets a call from Jake. He’s drunk and outside her door. They talk, on the phone, through the door and he tells her that he misses her. They can’t be together, she says, because he kills her friends. He points out that James wasn’t her friend. He would never kill her friends. She wonders if he can hear the B613 in his voice and he can. He wishes she would have just sat in the sun with him and she says sometimes she wishes that, too. She tells him to go him and then hangs up. He bangs on the door a bit and as she rests her face against it, he whispers, “I asked you to save me and you said no.” And then he leaves and I officially hate Olivia Pope.
Huck has figured out the algorithm, but the money is gone. Daddy Pope done played you, he says to Olivia. She confronts her dad and in one of his long-ass monologues he reminds her that, once again, she doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. He compares B613 to a dog that used to be his, but is sick and malnourished with its new owner, so he’s showing it mercy by putting it down. Not because he hates it, but because he loves it. The money must be on the B613 server and the code to that is with one man: Jake.
Sally’s daughter’s abortions are all over the news and Olivia loses her shit on Cyrus. He points out that she’s not doing her job and sending Abby to do it because her boyfriend is mean to her isn’t acceptable. OH, and he’s not the only one not listening to her, by the way: Fitz is currently meeting with a female, Hispanic Senator to vet her for Andrew’s place. Olivia busts up the meeting and tells Fitz he needs to stick with Andrew. She asks, again, what he needs. He wants Andrew gone, but she points out that’s what he wants, not what he needs. Then she makes him say the words that he wants Andrew to stop screwing his wife. “Consider it handled,” she says. About damn time she handles something. He grabs her hand for a moment before she leaves and then throws a tantrum when she’s gone.
Olivia meets with Andrew and gives him a choice: screw Mellie or be vice president. If he chooses the latter, she’ll protect him. If he chooses the former she’ll ruin him and Mellie won’t have an interest in him when his ass is teaching at a community college. But… but… he loves Mellie, he says. Olivia says he should choose her then. It would restore her faith in humanity if he did, but she knows men like him and men like him always, always choose power over love.
Olivia and Abby meet with Leo and Cyrus: They need to gang up on Reston because while they are attacking each other, his ass is gaining ground. Olivia suggests they do that with the truth and hands over a file, which Leo and Abby take to the prison. Leo meets with Reston’s wife and tells her that her husband is the one who belongs in prison. Oh, dip.
While sitting in a van and staking out Mama Pope, Charlie confronts Quinn on her motivations. She wonders if she is just waiting to capture Maya as a way to gain her way back into Olivia’s good graces. Then they talk about all of her old fucked up relationships that ended with death. Charlie doesn’t have past relationships because Charlie is crazy.
Claire meets with Mama Pope, Adnan, and Ivan and finds out the two fake identities she secured for them aren’t enough. Apparently, Mama Pope got a whole damn team of motherfuckers requiring a clean start. She gives Claire 24 hours to get it done and then warns her that after that, her ass needs to be up outta D.C. for forever.
Huck has a device that will get the code off of Jake’s phone. Why the hell such an important thing would be on his phone to begin with is beyond me, but Olivia doesn’t ask that question. Instead, she wants to know how she’s expected to get Jake’s phone alone for the 30 seconds the device needs to do its job. Girl, how you think? She refuses, but Huck reminds her that sometimes they gotta do shit they don’t want to do. ‘Member that? Then he drops the device (and the mic) and leaves.
Jake is asleep in bed, shirtless, when he hears someone in his apartment. He grabs his gun, still shirtless, and finds Olivia in his kitchen drinking wine because Olivia is an alcoholic. Shirtless, Jake asks her what she wants. Why is she there? She just stares at him. Then he takes her in his arms, shirtless, and asks, “Is this why you’re here? Is this what you want? Is it?” Then they kiss. And have sex.
Did I mention he’s shirtless?
Huck and Harrison are drowning their sorrows in liquor in the office and Harrison wonders how Olivia is going to get what they need. Huck just looks at him like, YOU KNOW! Harrison points out that even though Jake could kill you with a bendy straw, he still thinks with his dick. Huck throws a little shade to the fact that Harrison got played by Adnan and then Harrison tells him, “You’re lucky you’re not normal.” Except Huck IS normal. He’s hung up on Quinn. Okay. Maybe he’s not that normal.
Olivia is lying in Jake’s arms and he tells her that he missed her. She says she missed him, too, and then he falls asleep. She reaches for the device and his phone. Will she go through with it? Yup. She delivers the device to Huck and Harrison that same night. Damn. She didn’t even sleep over.
More importantly, Jake was still shirtless.
Anyway, Mellie and Fitz have to meet with some wounded women veterans and she’s got three ties picked out for Fitz. He’s slept in Jerry’s room the night before and must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed because he tosses the ties on the floor and goes to take a shower. Mellie looks so hurt.
At P&O, Harrison is waiting for Claire to get back to him about Adnan, Abby is waiting for Reston to visit his wife at prison, and Huck is waiting for Jake’s phone to download onto his hard drive.
Reson visits his wife and doesn’t deny that he set her up, and he tells her that she’s going to keep her damn mouth shut or he’ll have her locked up in the loony bin. Welp. Claire calls Harrison and says she wants out.
Olivia is having dinner with her dad in a nice restaurant when Mama Pope struts in like she’s NOT on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. She sips some wine and gives Eli her condolences on losing his job. He grabs a steak knife and she does, too, and gives him the I Wish a Motherfucker Would. Mama Pope tells Olivia she loves her and that’s why she wants her to know she’s in the wrong business. Then Harrison calls Olivia and says he found Claire dead. Olivia calls her Mama a monster and Maya is like, ‘Don’t act like I didn’t tell you to stay out my business. I hope you learned your lesson.” She rises to leave and so does Eli. “I’m a patient man, but a vengeful one, and I have a long memory.” Mama Pope drops a TTFN and struts out.
Here’s what I learned from that conversation: 1. Mama Pope doesn’t give a fuck about you or your emotions. 2. Nice restaurants have really big steak knives.
Abby has leaked a video of Reston threatening his wife and that pretty much knocks him out of the race. Leo looks impressed and I smell a new romance brewing. Mellie delivers a great speech to the women veterans and later approaches Andrew to suggest they hook up. He shoots her down. Mellie storms into the oval office and slaps the ever-loving shit outta Fitz. Woo, lawd. It was glorious. “You take everything from me!” Everyone in the office was like, “Welp. Gotta go. Gotta go.” But Mellie tells them to stay. She’ll leave. “You just keep on being president.”
Olivia sits in her office, on her pity pot, talking about how she didn’t go away when her father tried to send her off. Abby reminds her that she’s a gladiator. They don’t run. They slay dragons. Blah blah blah.
While Huck is trying to hack into the B613 account, Maya’s boo thang brings her a box of roses with a side of big-ass bomb. Quinn and Charlie are watching, but Jake says they need to see if they can figure out where she’s going with it. Huck breaks into their account. Not just financial, but everything. Quinn is still saying they should go in and grab Maya, and Charlie yells that she just wants to impress Olivia. Olivia gives Huck the go ahead to wipe out their systems just as Adnan is asking whether they’re taking the bomb to the campaign trail or the White House.
Quinn rushes into the hotel room and Charlie follows, but Mama Pope and crew are gone. “At least we know what side you’re on,” Charlie says. He tries to call Jake, but the B613 phones are down, too.
Olivia and crew are toasting to their success when Jake storms into the offices, grips Olivia up my her throat, slams her into the wall, and while holding a gun on Huck demands, “What have you done?” She barely squeaks out that she doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he tells her, “Let me clue you in. You just killed the president.”
