Scandal - S4E12 - Gladiators Don’t Run

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Previously on Scandal, ‘Where’s the Black Lady?’

Out of the Loop, In the Game

Abby waits for Olivia on a bench. She comes bearing hot beverages. When Olivia doesn’t walk by, Abby gets worried and leaves, but not before Hucking Up - which is what we gonna call it when a nicely dressed woman gives money and/or food to a homeless - some guy with Olivia’s tea.

Abby stomps into OPA like she still works there, which she does not. And that’s exactly what Huck and Quinn tell her when she demands to know where Olivia is.

As Fitz paces and worries that they won’t get Olivia back, Mellie reassures him because Mellie so damn amazing. Cyrus comes in with news of vengeance: Fitz has cleaned house of all his Secret Service agents and it was time. I mean, between Hal always snitching to Mellie, Tom killing his son, and some of them taking part in a coup, this was long overdue. Not only did he fire them, he put in an executive order that, from now on, the Navy SEALS will be his new protectors.

Then Fitz decides he wants in on the bidding because “who has more money than the United States?” Sir, that’s not your money. That’s the country’s money. Taxpayers. You can’t just be taking it and using it for personal gain. This ain’t some petty cash jar in a small business. Anyway, Fitz wants to call in his entire high-ranking staff, plus Jake, to go over the plan.

White Boy Fairy Dust

Gus is pissed. Gus is the kidnapper who Olivia beat over the head with the sink pipe. He’s not happy to see her walking around like a princess in their hotel suite. He lays into Ian for making this decision, but is promptly told to calm the hell down. Ian’s in charge.

The auction is going down on “the dark net” and you need to be invited. Guess what? The White House not invited. Friendly terrorists are so they’re going to team up with them to bid.

Back at OPA, Huck is all, “Liv’s gonna die!” Settle down, man. Jake and Quinn start talking about pooling their money. Unfortunately Quinn doesn’t have any money just Sallie Mae loans. Jake has $2 million. But Huck has $2 billion. The $2 billion B613 siphoned from federal budgets. So, one way or another, the American people gonna pay to get Olivia’s raggedy ass back.

Huck be like:

Ian is willing to let Olivia pick who she goes to because Ian is suddenly a nice guy. They’re gonna shake on it, but Gus blows out the back of Ian’s head. Gus is in charge now.

eBae

The auction is on and the tech nerds are fighting amongst themselves about whether they should be going along with this crazy scheme. Meanwhile, Gus is kind enough to clean the blood off of Liv’s face. When he insinuates that he’ll rape Olivia, she warns him she’ll bite his dick off. Welp.

Credit

Andrew ain’t going no-a-where. He refuses to sign the resignation letter and Cyrus thinks it’s adorable that Andrew thinks he has options. Andrew wonders what the American people would think if they knew Fitz went to war over his sidepiece. Oop.

We have a new problem: to get invited, you need to be an all-star baddie. Thankfully, Team JHQ knows an all-star terrorist.

After hissing and meowing at David Rosen, Maya listens to their plea. She wants to strike a deal though because only doing this to save her child’s life is not enough, damnit! They haggle, but they settle on her getting a flatscreen TV with basic cable. Hey, I’ve done worse for less.

Flipping the Script 

When Fitz learns that Andrew won’t go quietly and has threatened to tell the world about him and Olivia Pope, he informs Cyrus they should call his bluff. Fitz told the press that they went to war over the attack on Andrew. If they can prove Andrew set it up, Andrew is fuuuuucked. For that, Cyrus goes to Lizzie Bear and tells her she will be testifying against Andrew or else she’ll go to jail, too. Cyrus now has her as his “bitch for life.”

Also, flipping the script is Maya. She connects with a drug dealer named Gustavo, but when Huck and Jake go to meet him there’s a change of plans. Maya waits till Quinn and David leave the room to tell them that Gustavo will help, but only after they kill the men waiting in the room. Those men think they’re there to buy/steal from Gustavo. Jake is going to get out the car to help, but Huck is all, “I got this.”

Andrew goes to Mellie and warns that if they make him quit, he’ll tell the world about their affair. Andrew is all about that bitchassness.

Jake goes to check on Huck and finds that Huck has done THE most. He done went full-on Wolverine with a dash of Jason Voorhies. There’s blood EVERYWHERE and body part strewn about like Legos. Jake offers to hack off the heads for Gustavo’s proof while Huck gets cleaned up. As Huck leaves the room, Jake mutters, “Animal.” Then he starts sawing off a head.

Olivia tries to sprinkle her fairy dust on the two hackers, but since they’re minorities, it doesn’t work and they proceed to sell her ass. Olivia’s power only works on white boys.

Mellie 4 Prez

Abby straight out asks Fitz is there something wrong with Olivia, and he sits her down for the truth. She immediately goes to David and jumps in his ass for not telling her that her best friend, her only friend, was kidnapped. David is all, “That’s above your pay grade, boo.”

Mellie and Fitz share drinks on the patio and she tells him that they gotta let Andrew slide because he will tell the world what she did. They play a game of “If you could have anything you want… what would it be,” and first Fitz says Jerry alive, then Olivia home safe. Mellie wants to be president. She wants to run the world. Fitz is all, “Oh. Well, Andrew walks then.”

This is like, the third supportive thing he has done for her in four seasons.

Jake is worried that Huck might need a leash, but Quinn insists that Huck will be fine. That’s just how he is - he goes a little murderous and then all is well.

And the Winner Is…

Huck finally hacks his way into the auction and it shuts down just as he starts bidding.

Cyrus tries to wake up Fitz, but Mellie yells at him to let the man sleep in peace. This can’t wait though so he’s up and hustled to the situation room.

Gus wakes up Olivia. Good news! She’s been sold to Iran, in cash! So, the auction was useless and a waste of time. Also, the hackers don’t look too pleased at this development. But no one looks worse than Olivia. And I don’t feel sorry for her.

Fitz is informed of the situation and is advised that “the asset” should be neutralized per their standard protocol. Olivia knows too much to be in an enemy’s hands. Fitz ain’t tryna hear it. They will get her back.

Jake and Quinn are freaking out, trying to figure out how they can find out where Olivia is. They say Iran, but it can be anyone. Then Huck completely Hucks out talking about how Olivia is so dead. Quinn flips out and it takes Jake to pull her off Huck’s ass.

Mellie meets the plane with the bodies of the soldiers who died in West Angola. Meanwhile, Fitz tells Cyrus that they need to get Olivia back not because he loves her, but because many men died trying to get her back. And this whole ridiculous scene is played with patriotic music from a Kevin Costner movie. This is some bullshit and Fitz oughta be ashamed.

Finally, Olivia is taken to her new owner, but we don’t see who it is.