Scandal - S4E9 - Where The Sun Don’t Shine

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Previously on Scandal, ‘The Last Supper’

The episode begins with Olivia in that place where things are going on around her, but she can’t hear any of it. Walter White was in that place when he was told he had cancer. She’s sitting the Oval Office while Jake and Fitz talk about what to do next. Or measure their dicks. Whatever.

When they raid Wonderland, they find Maya Pope in her hole. Upon being interrogated by Fitz and Jake, Maya thinks Olivia is going to come to her rescue. Olivia is fed up and tells them to charge her and lock her up. As for Rowan? Hunt him, catch him, kill him.

Huck shows up at Kim’s looking for Javi and that goes about how you’d expect it to: She’s pissed he contacted her son and wants to know what Huck did to upset him. Oh, nothing much. Just a little coldblooded murder.

Fitz meets with the West Angola ambassador and promises the U.S.’s support. Fitz wants to send in troops, but Cyrus advises against it.

When Olivia finally has a moment to charge her phone, Quinn tells Liv about Kubiak and the Andrew/Lizzie alliance. Lizzie arrives at OPA and tells Olivia she knows her phone was hacked by Cyrus and threatens to expose his secrets. Liv tries to warn Cyrus something is coming, but it’s too late: Lizzie has leaked the pics. During their What the Hell Do We Do Now meeting, Olivia drops the bomb that Andrew is sleeping with Lizzie. Poor Mellie has to keep her face neutral. Fitz decides they will fight back on behalf of Cyrus.

Olivia comes up with a plan that involves Cyrus marrying Michael, who’s down for it. Cyrus? Not so much. He’s only had sex with two men in his entire life: James and this piece of shit over here. He’s not going to sully James’ memory by putting a ring on it.

Jake gets his hands on the surveillance footage outside the restaurant the night before… you know, when Rowan played them all like a card game. Speaking of card games, a hit man tries to kill Jake in an alley, but Jake busts out some badass B613 moves and kills him. He finds a playing card with his face on it: King of Spades. This is a kill card because apparently Rowan had time to go to Kinko’s and have them made so that all B613 agents are wiped out. Jake tells Huck and Quinn to watch their asses and then goes off to find Rowan because Jake ain’t scared of shit.

Quinn meets with Charlie to warn him and the two end of up fighting and fucking. The big question here is: How the fuck is Quinn driving a Benz? Quinn sneaks into the law firm where Caitlin first stole the Liv files and learns that night Kubiak, Caitlin’s dad, and Andrew were meeting to discuss something billed to one client: WACO Inc.

Jake shows up at OPA to give Liv a gun and a refresher course on how to deliver stop shots. Liv is more interested in kill shots. He begs her to leave with him, go back to the sun, but she says the sun has gone down a long time ago and it’s not coming back up. See. The problem is that Olivia refuses to stand in the sun. She seeks out the darkness because her parents have fucked this girl all the way up.

Lizzie meets Andrew in his office for a quickie and it’s clear the only thing these two want more than each other is to go to war in West Angola.

Cyrus resigns because he’s not about that marrying Michael life. David has to investigate the Cyrus/Michael situation to make sure Cyrus didn’t compromise any national secrets while cavorting with a hooker. Abby is subpoenaed and during her deposition David learns she’s been banging Leo Bergen. Post coitus, Quinn finds her kill card in Charlie’s wallet. The two fight it out Mr. and Mrs. Smith-style.

Jake and Huck think they’ve found Rowan, but he’s chilling in Olivia’s house like he pays rent. Olivia tries to read her dad, but we all know how that turns out. He twists everything back on her: “You’re not normal. You can’t love. Looking at me makes your stomach turn because it’s like looking in the mirror.” Ouch. Olivia grabs his gun.

“Olivia, watch yourself.” Rowan says. That’s short for, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Olivia pulls the trigger and nothing happens because everyone knew that damn gun was empty when Rowan placed it on the table within her reach.

Rowan cannot believe she “shot” her own father. He tells a story about playing a Stevie Wonder album to help her sleep the night before her first day of kindergarten. Then he tells her she’ll miss him when he’s gone. And then he’s gone.

Quinn and Charlie have fought and made up. They both admit they hurt each other, and Quinn reminds Charlie that he hurt Huck by giving up those files on his family. Um, is it me or didn’t he give those files to Quinn and she made the decision to share them with Huck? Anyway, when Rowan asked him to grab all the B613 files and replace them with blanks, Charlie kept a few for himself because he’s not entirely stupid.

Olivia goes to visit her mom to see if she knows where Rowan is. It went like this:

Olivia: “He kept you in a hole and visited you every day. You have a PhD in his crazy. You know where he is and you will tell me right now!” 

Mama Pope: “Bye, Felicia.” 

Olivia: *cries*

Mama Pope looks at Olivia like: 

Olivia visits Cyrus at home. He’s packing to go to Europe. She jumps up his ass, accusing him of being a BitchBaby. She gets him all fired up and this would be way more effective if Olivia didn’t make #poorlifechoices.

But it works because the next thing you know, Cyrus and Michael are talking about their upcoming nuptials in an interview. Back on the job, Cyrus tells Fitz going to war is a bad idea. Lizzie tries to find out from Mellie what Fitz is thinking. Mellie is confused as to why Lizzie thinks they’re friends. Is it because they’re both fucking Andrew? Mellie basically tells Lizzie to not get it twisted.

Later, Olivia watches Abby, Cyrus, and Fitz drinking and laughing in the Oval Office and decides not to go in.

Huck drops off Charlie’s stolen files with Kim. He tells her to read them. Does D.C. have Stand Your Ground laws? Cause Huck gonna fuck around and get shot if he keeps showing up at this woman’s house. 

Quinn figures out Andrew knew the explosion was coming and he was working with Lizzie to push Fitz to war with West Angola. Meanwhile, Andrew confronts Fitz. Of course Fitz wouldn’t go to war because WA tried to kill him. Fitz don’t give a fuck about his vice president. At the same time, Quinn and Huck are trying to figure out why Andrew and Lizzie had pics of Olivia…

Jake comes home after a long day of trying to kill Olivia’s dad, but she doesn’t want to talk about that. She has food, pie, beer, and wine. And she just wants to dance! She encourages him to dance with her, and he does. And it is adorable.

He says he loves her. She says she wants him AND Fitz, but she’s not choosing Fitz. She’s choosing Olivia. And Olivia wants to dance with Jake and fuck him on her piano. He’s so down with that plan. In fact, he thinks it’s the best.plan.ever. They just need blankets and a pillow, which he goes to her bedroom to retrieve. When he comes back, moments later, Olivia is gone. Wine is spilled on the white sofa (that was bound to happen sometime!) and the front door is open. Andrew taunts Fitz, asking what’s the one thing he couldn’t live without. Fitz asks what he’s done with Olivia. “How you liking that war now?,” Andrew asks. And Andrew now has to die.

Can Olivia please move now?