Sleepy Hollow - S3E5 - Dead Men Tell No Tales

Previously on Sleepy Hollow, ‘The Sisters Mills’

If you missed the first hour of the Bones/Sleepy Hollow crossover event-don’t worry. You didn’t really miss anything. Ichabbie showed up at the Jeffersonian to help determine that a headless body was that of General Howe, Crane’s old enemy.

It’s no wonder that he immediately shows up at the beginning of the Sleepy Hollow hour. Pandora hijacks the shipment of Howe’s remains to Sleepy Hollow and awakens him with a Nordic pendant and a lot of worms. As his bones cover with zombie flesh, she commands him to raise his army and exact his vengeance on his old enemy.

Everyone is into the Halloween spirit at the Sleepy Hollow Bowl-a-rama, and Abbie looks amazing in her Beyonce costume. I hope she keeps that outfit in a closet at home for later. Zoe is there, too, dressed as Sexy Betsy Ross, as if we don’t already have enough Sexy Betsy Rosses to contend with, but the good times are cut short when Crane gets a message that the body of Howe was never delivered.

That body, which is now up and running, is discovered in the Sleepy Hollow Giant Mausoleum by a few mischievous teens out having some Halloween laughs at the local cemetery. It’s a convenient, but unsurprising place for a zombie General to go to raise his army of zombie red-coats

The delivery driver crashed his van, and with her extensive FBI training Abbie can tell that he obviously swerved to avoid Pandora. They search Dem Woods and end up at the other Sleepy Hollow cemetery, while on the way Abbie gives Crane a little romantic advice about Sexy Betsy (the reboot, not the original). Inside the mausoleum they discover some fresh blood (sorry, mischievous teen #4) and also a horde of zombie soldiers in battle formation! Shots are fired from all sides, and even though they take a chunk out of Howe’s beetle-filled hand, they have to retreat. It’s a good thing they do, too, because now that it’s daytime the zombies can’t chase them and must sink into the ground instead of run out into the sunlight.

Pretending she hasn’t been running from vampire zombies all night, Abbie stops by Danny’s office to “check in”. She knows something’s up because he has closed the door to his own office, and he admits to his subordinate that he’s chasing down his next big FBI case: an importer/exporter.

Ichabod spends a little time puzzling over Howe’s zombie army and also reminiscing, ‘cause that’s what he does best. Washington knew Howe was evil and put a hit out on him right before the Battle of Manhatten; Ichabod was the chosen assassin, but in the end couldn’t pull the trigger in time on someone he used to respect. The jog down memory lane helped Crane, as it always does, and one of the details he recalled was a rune Howe had been unpacking. The two-sworded man on the run was the symbol of the Draugr, the original White Walkers, and luckily Washington left a rhyming couplet with a clue as to how to defeat them and their General.

Hot on the trail of Jenny’s groceries, Joe realizes he knows Atticus Nevins because he and Papa Corbin were war buddies?!? Minds are blown. What else about Papa Corbin don’t they know? What if we was really….evil?? The best way to find out is to ask the source, or at least the source’s old war buddy turned fencer of valuable historical stolen goods. Making a deal with Sophie, they agree to exchange the Shard for information about Corbin, but it has to come directly from Atticus.

Ichabbie needs to find the location of Howe’s tomb, so they send some dirt and debris from the zombie fight to their new Jeffersonian friends to do some forensicing. The short answer: The Capitol Building. It must be Crane’s first real field trip, but instead of taking the tour the group ends up in the basement. Secret walls and trick locks that can only be opened with Crane’s ring (or probably a flat-head screwdriver) put them into a room filled with Nordic Runes, just like the ones on the coffin! This room is also equipped with Greek Fire, a cross between napalm and wildfire that is the only thing that can contain and defeat any Draugr, including General Howe. Greek Fire under the Capitol means that Washington knew he was fighting supernatural forces at the Battle of Manhattan as explained in a tedious Betsy Ross flashback.

With all the zombie chasing, no one has thought a whole lot about Pandora, who is busy scaring kids and taking their Halloween candy. When Howe shows up for a stroll through downtown Sleepy Hollow, she gives him his orders to take the city at sundown. Everyone is super impressed with the zombie army costumes until they realize those aren’t just costumes and the army starts firing on the townspeople. Crane challenges Howe to a sword fight and gets him to chase him into the catacombs under Sleepy Hollow: the plan is to get all of the zombies down there and then use their Greek Fire Flamethrowers to do them in. It gets a little dicey when all of the zombies zip underground to go after Crane, but the whole team takes them out until they’re left facing just Howe. Unwilling to give Crane the satisfaction of ending him, Howe steps into the stream of Greek Fire and disintegrates.

Pandora has all of this on TiVo and has been re-watching it in her creepy puddle rather than participate. All of the fear she’s raised this season has been making her tree bloom, and she just needs one more flower to bloom before…something else happens.

Finally taking Abbie’s advice to let go of his ghosts, Crane calls up Sexy Betsy for a dinner date, which means she has exactly two episodes to either get killed off in a supernatural way or reveal her evil plan. Too bad Crane didn’t reciprocate any advice for Abbie-he could have walked her through how to handle her bosses Danny when he discovers that Jenny is going to be meeting up with Atticus Nevins, the top target of his big case.