The Slap - S1E2 - Harry
Previously, on The Slap: “Hector”
The episode starts with Harry lifting weights and working out. I’m assuming bulking up to slap another person. There’s a long list of people in his life who need slapping, so he’s gonna need all the power he can get. Oh, and also, there’s a scene where he’s pretty much naked, throwing ice in a pool and then diving in. Then he runs up the stairs in a towel and does his wife. My life feels pretty complete right now, so I’m not even going to question the ice or complain about the narrator who is ruining the moment.
Harry’s son, Rocco, is losing an online Chess game to some kid in Utah. Harry tells him never to forfeit. Though, I think the Chess thing is a cover for something else. He’s about that age where he’s probably googling “boobies”. Harry heads off to work where we get to see what a hot shot he really is. He does the scary eyebrows raise to an employee who has been stealing from him. You Quinto fans know what I mean. I was afraid he was going to kill the poor guy and hide his body, and this would turn into a completely different show. But he doesn’t kill him or even fire him. He says he’s gonna work every day for free until he pays back the money.
This is supposed to be Harry’s story, but we do get a glimpse of Hector’s daily morning rush trying to get his kids out of the house, and he says they’re going to give him “PTSD”. Yeah, kids will do that. I have it from that one time my nephew Exorcist-puked, and I had to dive into it to grab him. I still have nightmares. Anyway, the cops show up at Hector’s house to question him about the barbecue because they think he’ll be the best witness in court. When he calls his cousin Harry to tell him, Harry’s all like, “What are you talking about? What happened at the barbecue?” like the slap was that inconsequential to him. Which it probably was. I’m telling you, that man hits all the people in his life. Harry is furious Hector is taking the side of those “Brooklyn boozebags” over him.
There’s so much Quinto in this episode, I can’t even get my head straight. He’s still got the beard; he’s still sexy. He meets up for lunch with his skeezy lawyer, who tells him he needs him to come up with some reliable witnesses who will be on his side. Harry goes to visit Anouk, who agrees the kid is a monster and somebody should have slapped him but isn’t willing to go as far as saying that in court. She reminds Harry he may be used to men getting away with whatever they want, but the world has changed and they’re coming after him. Harry, and his questionable ass, tries to bribe her with a free car if she testifies on his behalf. But she won’t get involved, and besides, she didn’t see the slap, because she her eyes were on Hector and his teenage love queen.
The good news is we get to see Hugo act like himself in front of the cops. They question his parents why A) they waited so long to report this and B) why they didn’t get him checked out by a doctor and get some evidence of the slap. The cops try to talk them out of pressing charges because they think there’s really too little to help this be a successful case.
Harry gets real with his wife, after he finds out she’d gone behind his back to talk with Hector to convince Harry to apologize. And by “real” I mean he grabs her by her arm and then by her neck. I told y’all he was beating her ass. He decides to go apologize anyway. Gary and Rosie aren’t interested in hearing anything, especially Rosie. Everything goes wrong, and Harry ends up telling them Hugo needs a psychiatrist and Rosie again accuses him of beating his wife, which infuriates him, and he breaks a chair and makes everybody cry. Outside, he takes his anger out on Hector and then goes to work and cheats on his wife. In the midst of that, he’s called to the school because his kid jumped somebody. Nice fathering. This guy’s got issues. Maybe he needs to be in jail, which is where he goes. Gary and Rosie file charges, and he’s led away in handcuffs while that bad jazz music from last week plays again.
The judge at the arraignment is just tired of everybody. He’s all, “Shut up, everybody.” And Harry’s all, “I’m gonna destroy them.”
Oh, and also, Connie’s shady ass quits the clinic but then starts texting Hector that she misses him. Girl, get your ass back to homeroom.
