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Review: The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #5

Previously in The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #4

Doreen’s roommate Nancy, along with several other people, are being held hostage at the top of the Statue of Liberty. They’re all guessing who will be the one to rescue them. Some say Thor, some say Iron Man. Nancy says Squirrel Girl. Everyone else thinks she’s trippin’. One old lady recalls a story about Squirrel Girl from when she was a kid. Nancy insists that can’t be so because Squirrel Girl is her age. She tells the story anyway. Her story is of the time Squirrel Girl was Captain America’s partner and her pet squirrel’s name was Monkey Joe. Cap has lost his mind and become a fascist. He’s dumped Squirrel Girl and gotten a new partner named Bass Lass, a pretty lady with the head of a fish. I mean, I assume she’s pretty underneath the fish head.

Captain America has turned his back on America. He’s all about dictatorship now. Past Squirrel Girl quickly realized Cap is being mind controlled by Hydra. She rips off the electro-processors being used to control Cap and pulls the fish head off of Bass Lass to reveal… Red Skull. Oh no, it’s just one of his skulldroids, who self destructs upon discovery.

Nancy doesn’t believe this story. Another hostage tells the “REAL” story of Squirrel Girl. It’s another unbelievable tale (or tail, if you will) about how Squirrel Girl was cloned, the clone was named The All-American Red Squirrel, and the two teamed up to fight crime, and sometimes each other.

It turns out the story the guy is telling is Spider-man’s story, not Squirrel Girl’s. And there’s yet another story about how she’s actually from the future fighting crime in every time period simultaneously. Nancy knows none of these stories are true and she sets them straight on who  Squirrel Girl really is.

As predicted, Squirrel Girl shows up to save the day. She apologizes for being late. She didn’t know what was happening until she saw it on the news.

About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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