The Walking Dead - S5E7 - Crossed

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Previously on The Walking Dead, ‘Consumed’

Barely Four Walls and a Roof

Everyone is tearing up the church, trying to make it walker proof. Father Gabriel asks if they’re going to dismantle the cross, too. Daryl is all, “Uh, if we need it, then yes. And?” Gabriel, go sit down.

Rick and Michonne speak briefly about whether he should go into Atlanta for Operation #GetBaeBack. He decides to because he owes Carol more than anyone else in the group. He says goodbye to Judith and Carl, and after they leave, Michonne and Carl board up the front door. Meanwhile, Father Gabriel looking around like, “Well, ain’t this ’bout a bitch?” Judith cries because she’s left with Michonne and Carl, and her daddy, Tyreese, is gone. Yeah. You read that correctly. Tyreese went on the rescue mission and Michonne stayed behind.

Gabriel becomes obsessed with cleaning the blood off the floor of the church. In the truck on the way to Atlanta, Tyreese tries to talk to Sasha about her grief and how she should be behaving. Sasha ain’t tryna hear it.

GREATM

Tara has tapped out the last of the water in the firetruck and divvied it up into water bottles with everyone’s first initial on the caps. Eugene is still out cold and Maggie suggests they not move him to get to the church just yet. Abraham is being a baby. He’s still on his knees, staring out into nowhere, refusing the water Rosita offers. He slaps away a bottle from her hand, wasting water. Then he jumps in Rosita’s face and Maggie pulls a gun on him. Abraham, go sit down.

The Plan

Team Rick are near the hospital, going over the plan. Fire a shot in the air, draw out two patrols, snatch them, wait till dark, storm the hospital, slit throats. Quiet and fast. Tyreese wants to do another plan that doesn’t involve anyone getting their throat slit. Why not grab the two patrols and trade them for Carol and Beth? Rick is like, “Your plan MIGHT work, my plan WILL work.”  Daryl agrees with Tyreese.

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While Gabriel scrubs away at the blood, Carl tries to give him a few survival tips and offers him a weapon. Gabriel finally accepts a machete, but stops all talk on how to use it.

One of Dawn’s officers wants to turn off the machines keeping Carol alive. When Beth pushes, Dawn sides with her officer, but later gives Beth the key to the medicine locker so she can save Carol. Awwww. Apparently Dawn just wants to be liked. While talking to Beth, Dawn gets a call over the radio about a shot fired. She sends two officers to go check it out.

To the Creek

Tara, Rosita, and Glenn head for a nearby creek for water. On the way, Tara admits that she’s over what Eugene did. Are they supposed to be mad at him because he used the one skill he had to keep himself alive? “Uh, yeah,” says Glenn and most of the audience.

Tara devises a makeshift tent for Eugene to keep him out of the sun. She tells Abraham (who is still spaced out) to get over himself. Seriously, girl. Tell him.

Doctor Strange

Beth goes to Edwards and asks what medicine she’d need to save Carol. He points out that if Dawn gave Beth that key, she did so with an ulterior motive. Beth brushes off this bit of important info to demand the name of the medicine. He finally tells her what to get. You can’t be trusting this man’s medical advice, but whatever. 

After Rosita tells Glenn and Tara how she met Abraham, Glenn notices fish swimming in the creek. Dinner!

Two hospital cops find Noah, as planned. They zip tie him, but then Team Rick shows up and gets them to drop their guns. Noah claims one of them, Lamson, would be down for whatever since “he’s one of the cool ones.” We don’t get to see how Rick feels about this because one of the white cross cars races in and they’re being shot at by the cops inside. Their prisoners escape, but Sasha manages to shoot out one of the tires and they find the car abandoned around a corner.

While most of Team Rick goes after the two cuffed cops on foot, Daryl gets into it with another cop. He uses the skull of a still moving walker to beat the guy over the head. When Rick arrives, Daryl talks him out of shooting the cop by saying, “Three is better than two.”

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There’s holding on to your humanity, and then there’s taking unnecessary risks.

The two cops manage to talk Team Rick into allowing them to help since they hate Dawn, too. I’m going to blame their willingness to listen to this bullshit on the fact that Tyreese is with them. Also, Lamson is played by the guy who played Sitwell in the MARVEL movies and we all know he turned out to be a Hydra spy. Fuck him.

Gone Fishing

Team Glenn make a fishing net out of the belongings of some trapped walkers and manage to catch one. Woohoo! Also, good news: Rosita knows how to clean fish. Tara finds something in a muddy backpack, but won’t tell us what it is.

Michonne tries to talk to Father Gabriel who has locked himself in his office, but he’s too busy digging an underground railroad with the machete Carl gave him.

Beth bribes a ward with some strawberries so he can fake a coughing fit and provide a distraction while she gets the medicine. Strawberries in exchange for a diversion? I’ve done worse for less. It works and she administers it to Carol.

Change of Plans

Sasha is up in her feelings because she wasn’t the one to drive a knife through Bob’s brains. Tyreese tells her there’s no shame in letting him help her and they hug it out.

Gabriel escapes the church only to step on a nail IMMEDIATELY. He limps off into the woods and this is, hands down, the worst fucking plan in five seasons. Where the fuck is this brotha going? I’ll tell you where: into the forest where he comes across a walker, which he body slams, but doesn’t kill because she’s wearing a cross. You big dummy.

Rick gets some negotiating with Dawn advice from Officer Friendly, whose real name is Bob. And Sasha is back in her feelings. Then, when Sitwell Lansom Friendly Bob 2.0 is left alone with Sasha, he convinces her to walk over to the south side of the building so she can put down one of the walkers melted into the asphalt. He was a cop, a friend of his, and he feels like he owes him.

Tyreese’s stupidity has infected the group.

Abraham finally accepts water from Maggie and admits that he thought he wanted her to shoot him. He’s clearly been making some life decisions in his head. Then Eugene wakes up sounding just like a walker and Maggie rushes over to him.

Sasha’s detour with Officer Lying Motherfucker goes about as expected. He knocks her out and takes off. *sigh*