The Walking Dead - S6E2 - JSS

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Previously on The Walking Dead, ‘First Time Again’

Last week’s impressive 90-minute premiere left us with so many questions including: Who the hell is blowing that horn back at home? Well, this week, the Wolves attacked Alexandria, and in doing so, told us everything we need to know about our group and how things may play out going forward. 

What We Know About Enid’s Parents

They were idiots. If you’re so enthralled by trying to find a fuse for your non-starting car that you’ll ignore your child’s pleas to GTFO in the zombie apocalypse, you deserve to get devoured in front of her.

They may have been some, but they clearly didn’t raise no fool. Enid proves resourceful, staying alive on her own for at least a week before she stumbles upon Alexandria.

She does some hard thinking before she knocks on the gates. I imagine she also made sure her breath didn’t smell like tortoise.

What We Know About Shellie Niedermeyer

She really wouldn’t shut the hell up about that damn pasta maker and everyone secretly hated her for it. Carol ‘No Chill’ Peletier offers to teach Shellie to make pasta with her own two hands if she promises not to smoke in the house. Smoking kills you and it’s for basic bitches who don’t even know how to make noodles from scratch.

Burn.

What We Know About Sam

That kid has no one to talk to since the new guy killed his dad and his brother is moping around and almost running off cliffs. He just sits on the stoop cradling his “A” stamp with no one to stamp it on. Carol ‘No Chill’ Peletier tells him to man-the-fuck-up. So your daddy used to hit you and fucked around and got himself got. It happens.

Sam hates Ron. When shit got real, he was begging Jessie to hide with him.

“But your brother is out there!”

Sam’s face clearly said, “And?”

What We Know About Ron

He’s still not over the new guy killing his dad so he’s not really in the mood for one of mom’s kitchen haircuts. He also thinks Rick is dangerous.

Also, “Is he your friend?” is the new “Are you fucking him?”

Ron would rather face a subdivision filled with homicidal maniacs than go into the safety of a house that has Carl (with a really big fucking gun he JUST used to save Ron’s life) and Enid in it because he saw her first, damnit!

Not smart, dude. You can’t even lift your left arm over your head. How you gonna take care of yourself?

What We Know About Deanna

Homegirl is not long for this world. No matter how much Maggie tries to channel her dad’s spirit and offer Deanna seeds and farming instructions, Deanna may be too far gone.

She opts to stay outside the gates with her son, Spencer, because she’s pretty sure she’ll just end up dead or getting someone else killed if she stays inside and fights.

At this point, I’m thinking she’ll just hand over the towns’ keys to Rick when he gets back. That’s if Carl thinks to give them to her.

What We Know About Eugene

This guy hates Jesus. He doesn’t see why Alexandria needs a church. Why can’t the Thumpers pray in their own homes?

He’s also knows his place. When everyone else was stepping up to head outside and take on the intruders, Eugene knew he’d be of better use watching Denise try to save Holly’s life so he could offer up words of wisdom like, “I mean, it is possible [you could kill her] if you hit like a hematoma or something.”

What We Know About Denise

She’s not even supposed to be here today! Denise’s a psychiatrist who was going to be a surgeon before her anxiety was like, “Nah.” And now that the new guy killed the only doctor, she’s the everything doctor.

She knows that Eugene is a lying liar who lies about being smart about things. Everyone knows that, apparently, and it makes me happy.

She lets Tara and Eugene (of all people) talk her into acting way above her pay grade and attempt to repair Holly’s torn artery.

What We Know About Holly

She’s in the comics.

She’s in the Skybound game.

She’s dead.

What We Know About Carl

Carl is really the perfect blend of what you need to be in the ZA, minus an occasional slip up… like hesitating to put down the man you just stopped from stabbing Ron.

But he will protect his baby sister, save Ron, and still pull your casserole out on time so it doesn’t burn.

He also won’t trip when he sees Enid hugging Ron. (Are you paying attention, Ron? That’s how playas play.)

AND he will serve up all the shade to Gabriel’s raggedy-ass, yet still agree to teach him how to use weapons because he knows the only thing more dangerous than Gabriel now is Gabriel without any knowledge of how to protect himself.

Pretty sad that his bae Enid left after leaving a note instructing him to ‘Just Survive Somehow.’

What We Know About Jessie

Her mama bear instincts work just fine. When she hears Ron has returned to the house, she leaves her hiding spot with Sam to warn her eldest to stay outside. She takes on a Wolf, alone, and kills her with hair scissors.

What We Know About Spencer

Yeah, Spencer killing the guy in the tractor headed for the gates is what set off the horn - which is bringing all the walkers to their yards - but he did stop the driver from making the attack a lot worse.

But his overall bitchassness has changed my mind about wanting him to hook up with Sasha. She ain’t got time for that.

What We Know About Rosita

She’s an excellent shot and brushed off the Wolves encounter like, “No bigs. Just another day in the ZA.”

She’s bae.

What We Know About Aaron

He’s brave, a great shot, and is going to have a major case of the guilts now that he knows the Wolves found them thanks to his knapsack filled with a “How to Find and Attack Our Alexandria Safe Haven” kit.

What We Know About Tara

After you fail to save someone’s life, she’s gonna offer up one sentence of comfort. DASSIT. Then it’s all, “Make sure you get her brain.”

What We Know About Morgan

Tyreese 2.0. I mean, really?

Morgan saved a few lives:

• He saved Spencer from probably getting himself bitten in an attempt to remove the flailing walker off the truck’s horn.
• He saved Gabriel after Carol was like, “Fuck him,” when they saw him being attacked by a Wolf.
• And if he hadn’t subdued a few Wolves - who Carol had to later kill - they would have surely gone on to claim a few more victims.

But that’s really all erased by the fact that he let four of them run off, one of them with a gun.

The only way I will forgive this character is if the episode after next focuses on him leading a group of people to hunt down the remaining Wolves and serve up some Donatello justice.

What We Know About Carol

She’s a motherfucking cookie-and-casserole baking, badass, prophet ninja.

She’s a prophet because she told Shellie that smoking would kill her and damn if Shellie didn’t get her ass killed while standing outside smoking an X-Files cigarette.

Also, we know Carol reacts to seeing a woman get slashed to death by a machete-wielding madman with the same urgency I display when I spot the UPS guy about to leave with my package because he thought I wasn’t home.

Carol pays attention, watching a Wolf paint a ‘W’ on his forehead with the blood of the person he just killed. She does the same and steals the clothes of a Wolf she killed - who was about to get a stern talking to from Morgan.

She secures the armory, killing a few Wolves who were about to find it AND she hands out guns to others: Morgan, who gave his gun to Gabriel. Gabriel, who can’t use one gun much less two so I’m surprised he didn’t shoot his damn foot off. And Maggie, who was like, “Yes, please and thank you.”

Carol isn’t so far gone she isn’t affected by everything she witnessed and had to do that day. She comes as close to breaking down as we’ve seen her since she had to kill Lizzie.

And even though he shits himself whenever he sees her, Sam still found it in his heart to give Carol’s house his ‘A’ stamp of approval.

What We Know About Judith

That baby can sleep through anything.

What We Know About The Wolves

They just want to watch the world burn.

Leave your thoughts on the episode below and we’ll read them on tonight’s podcast!