The Walking Dead - S8E6 - The King, The Widow, and Rick

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Previously on The Walking Dead, “The Big Scary U”

This episode was The Walking Dead at its most formulaic, repetitive, and nonsensical. It’s one of those episodes that seems to exist simply because the network insists on giving each season 16 episodes and it has never, ever needed that many damn episodes. The events in this episode happened for the stupidest reasons and it only proves that this show refuses to allow their characters to grow or learn from their mistakes.

Because Every Season Must Have One Character Come ThisClose to Giving Up

Still shook from the events in “Some Guy,” Ezekiel has retired to his royal chambers of feelings. No one can get an audience with the king; not even Carol, who yells through a door that they’re supposed to be leaving to meet Rick and the others back at The Sanctuary. Ezekiel ain’t leaving his trailer. Ezekiel is being a diva.

Carol stomps off into the woods and is followed by a little boy whose name I didn’t bother to learn because if he’s anything like the other kids who are inexplicably drawn to Carol despite how shitty she treats them, he’ll be dead soon. When yelling at him and telling him how he’ll probably end up dead doesn’t work, Carol finally relents and lets him think he’ll be a part of seeking revenge on the Saviors for killing his brother and their people.

She stomps back to Ezekiel’s throne room, this time marching in, and tells him that he needs to get over his shit and lead his people. Ezekiel is content to sit in his tears and Shiva’s old fur balls, and despite admitting that he likes the way she makes him feel (real), he still won’t budge.

Because Every Season People Must Leave the Camp Even Though They’re Not Supposed to and Leaving Usually Gets Someone Killed 

When their separate missions were done, each team leader sent letters to the others’ communities with status reports. I won’t bore you with the details, but they all went like this, basically: “We won more than we lost. The Saviors are pinned down in the Sanctuary. We’re going on to the next phase. Everyone stay put until it’s time to meet up at the Sanctuary in two days.”

Essentially: “We outchea, fam.”

Michonne and Rosita, each recovering from major injuries, decide “fuck that,” and leave to go to the Sanctuary because they both need to see. This dumb idea is made even dumber by the fact that these two can barely walk, and by the fact that the last time they each did something like this, Denise died and Michonne and Daryl got kidnapped. Oh, and Daryl got shot. But that was all last season and apparently they, and the writers, don’t remember last season. And if they do, we’re supposed to be okay with our characters ignoring when they know better just to be stupid.

To salvage this shitty writing choice, Michonne and Rosita just happen to come upon two Saviors who returned to the Sanctuary after scavenging, saw the herd, and decided to rig a truck with speakers so they could lure the herd away.

Michonne and Rosita try to stop them, and after killing one, the other Savior gets away with the music truck. But she doesn’t get far because Daryl appears in a garbage truck sized piece of plot and rams the Savior’s car. Then he shoots her. Turns out, Daryl and Tara are also on their way to the Sanctuary to end it because they’re up in their feelings, too, and everyone just assumes Rick’s letter was a soft suggestion instead of pretty fucking clear orders to stay put.

Carl goes off into the woods and finds Siddiq, the man looking for food in the premiere. Siddiq says he’s killed more than 200 walkers, but I call bullshit because he was pretty damn bad at killing one when he and Carl are attacked.

Oh, and Aaron and Enid take off for parts unknown… for reasons.

Because Jesus is the Feds and Maggie is Dumb

The smartest thing Maggie does this episode was put Gregory in the holding pen with the Savior prisoners. The dumbest thing Maggie did this episode was put the Savior prisoners in a  holding pen instead of immediately putting a hot one in each of their foreheads. They begin plotting immediately.

Because the Show Isn’t Even Trying When it Comes to the Junkyardigans

You might have thought the worst thing about the Junkyardigans is the way they insist on speaking like broken See-n-Says, but you hadn’t seen these assholes sitting around doing arts and crafts in the nude. They at least put on clothes when Rick arrives offering another deal and pictures of dead Saviors as proof that he’s not to be fucked with or betrayed… again. They politely turn Rick down, then lock him up and leave him sitting in his drawers. Big dummy.

Leave your brief thoughts on the episode below or on our Facebook post for this review, and we’ll read them on tonight’s podcast.