True Blood - S5E12 - Save Yourself

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The fairies blast Russell with a bunch of fairy fire. He’s all, “That’s all you got, bitches?”

Suddenly, Eric appears and stakes Russell.

 

 

Then, he stands there, covered in Russell-goo, looking all hot. *swoon*

 

Nora shows up and she’s all “What’s that smell?” Considering it’s a field full of fairy ass, it’s probably that. She chases after Sookie, who chases after Jason, but Eric makes her swear on Godric that she will not eat Sookie. Jason wakes up, but now he’s seeing his parents thanks to the fairy blast he took. Steve Newlin has already run off when he saw Russell eat it.

At Fangstasia, Tara tells Eric and Nora that Pam has been taken by The Authority. Eric starts taking mounds of cash out of a hole in the wall. Tara drags a coffin that looks like a space-pod from Prometheus. Eric reminds Nora that Tara is family, too, and they’re all going to get Pam back.

They arrive at Sookie’s house and try to appeal to her to help them get through to Bill and rescue him, Jessica, and Pam. Tara reminds Sookie that she owes Pam… twice. As Sookie considers helping, Jason balks. He is listening to his parents, who no one else can see, and they’re telling him that if Sookie goes, he should as well so he can kill fangers. Jason is really fucking stupid so he agrees to go, too.

Guards bring Sam to Bill as his breakfast. Sam tries to reason with Bill, but it doesn’t work. Sam shifts into a fly and returns to Luna. He tells her that if they come for her, she needs to shift and escape. She doesn’t want to leave Emma, but Sam says she won’t be any good to her daughter dead.

Angry that they’ve been infiltrated, Bill tells the guards to kill any animal that moves in search of the shifters. He then tells Salome that he killed the other chancellor since he insisted Lilith told him he was the chosen one. Bill tells her that Lilith appeared to him and said that Salome was the chosen one. She is obviously thrilled to hear this because otherwise, she’d have to rip Bill’s fucking heart out.

Jessica tries to tell Pam that both Eric and Bill are now religious fanatics. Pam doesn’t believe Eric would fall for it. She is pleased to hear that part of this crazy religion is that they want to drain Sookie.

 

Alcide is bonding with his dad and - unfortunately - he’s wearing a shirt. Martha shows up with Alcide’s girlfriend, you know, the one who he had sex with, who we haven’t seen in three episodes, and who has no name (that I caught). She’s all strung out on the V J.D. make her drink. OK, her name is Ricky. Anyway, she’s dying, but I’m pretty sure no one gives a fuck. Anyway, JD has been forcing the pack to drink V. Zzzzz. They purge the V out of her with silver. Holy hell. This is dumb AND boring. Alcide doesn’t even take his shirt off!

As a fly, Sam buzzes around the HQ and comes up with a plan when he finds Steve Newlin’s room.

Jason and Sookie have three coffins with Nora, Eric, and Tara. They break into the weapons store to stock up before going to The Authority. Jason reveals his plan to kill the vamps once inside - as his parents watch in approval - Sookie barely tries to talk him out of it.

Lafayette makes margaritas for him, Arlene, and Holly.

 

 

Andy shows up with his pregnant fairy girlfriend and confesses to Holly that he was with someone else. Then the fairy goes into labor. She gives birth moaning and groaning like she’s two seconds from orgasm (with Arlene, Lafayette, and drunk Jane Bodehouse watching) and pops out four baby girls. When she’s done, she hops off the pool table, straightens her dress, and tells Andy he has to raise the four girls on his own. Apparently, the light pact only lasts until she spits the little baby fairies out.

 

 

JD is draining a vamp at a bonfire. Alcide shows up and whips his ass. Then he kills him and Alcide become pack master. All the V-addicted wolves bow down like bitches.

Eric and Nora arrive at the gates (with Sookie, Jason, and Tara gagged in the back of their pickup) and Bill gives them clearance to enter. He sees Sookie and looks concerned.

Jason goes all commando, killing vamps left and right. Nora and Bill take out a shitload of vamps and take out the security systems. Sookie and Tara make for the cells and free Pam and Jessica. When Pam is released, Tara plants a big ass kiss on her. Sookie is all, “Um, okay.” Jessica is all, “I knew it!” I’m all, “Time and a place, people. Haul ass!” When Jessica sees Jason, she confesses her love, but he tells her he could never love a vamp. She looks hurt. Eric ushers Nora, Pam, Tara, Jessica, and Jason to the elevators and safety. He tells them that he and Sookie are going to save Bill.

Sam’s plan involved Luna shifting into Steve to take Emma out. They’re almost out the door when the southern belle chancellor shows up and tells ‘Steve’ that he needs to go on TV and tell the world that the video of him and Russell killing frat boys was fabricated. On air, Luna turns back into herself and tells the world that the vampires have them in an underground fortress, feeding on humans. Before the chancellor can kill Luna, Sam (as a fly) flies into her mouth and then shifts, causing her to explode. Luna is grateful, but then passes out. (SO, basically, that was the point of the useless plot line earlier in the season when Luna could suddenly and inexplicably turn into other people.)

Salome drinks Lilith’s blood, but Bill has spiked it with silver. He stakes her and she says, “Lilith chose wisely,” before she dies.

Eric and Sookie arrive and she tries to talk Bil down from the ledge. He is too far gone. He calls her an abomination. When he starts quoting scripture that elicits a deep eye-roll from Eric. Bill reminds Sookie of what he told her the first night they met, “Vampires often turn on those they love the most.” Then he downs Lilith’s blood and immediately explodes.

 

Holy.Fuck.Balls!

Sookie cries in Eric’s arms.

Then Eric notices that something is rising from the pool of blood. It’s a naked Bill. He bares his fangs, longer than they were before, and Eric yells for Sookie to RUN! And then BOTH take off.