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True Blood - S5E5 - Let’s Boot and Rally

Sookie and Alcide are going at it hot and heavy. Lucky bitch. They get all the way to her bedroom, stripping off their clothes as they go, and then she pukes on his shoes. From the doorway, Eric and Bill lean against the wall watching. “Alcide, you sure know how to treat a lady,” Eric says.

Lafayette is freaking out because he realized he’s responsible for what happend to Sookie’s car and she could have died. He starts to pray in his house, but sees his demon reflection in the mirror. You know, the demon that looks like a Mexican wrestler.

He smashes all his candles and prayer thingamajiggers. He prays to Jesus for help. Not THAT Jesus. His boyfriend, Hey-Zeus.

Terry and Patrick are attacked by their old military buddy, Eller, and he ties them to chairs in his low-rent panic room.

Jason dreams that he’s a kid, having breakfast with his parents and little girl Sookie, when his parents’ necks start dripping blood from vamp bites. His mom offers him sex cause it always makes everything better. No, really. She said that. A phone call wakes him up and he rushes out. At the Bellflour house, Andy also gets a call… which wakes Arlene’s baby. Note: Andy and Jason both woke up butt-ass naked.

Sookie sits at her kitchen table with Bill and Eric while Alcide cleans his shoes. They tell her about Russell and ask for her help unglamouring the guard on duty when Russell went missing.


Sookie meets the guard and reads his mind. A woman in a hood released Russell. She’s wearing an Authority necklace.

Tara has to work at Fangstasia now, wearing Pam’s clothes.


When Tara starts to feed on an annoying customer, Pam grips her up and tells her she is never to feed on a human in public. Jessica witnesses this and feels bad for Tara.

The Authority gives Bill and Eric till dawn to find Russell. Ramon wonders how someone as committed as the little boy vamp council member could lose his way.

Eller reminds Patrick and Terry that one of the women they killed cursed them before she died. He saw their other Army buddy and his wife killed by the fire demon, Ifrit, she cursed them with. Zzzzzz.

Tara and Jessica bond over being vamps turned against their will. Tara thinks that Jessica got the better maker.

Eric, Bill, Sookie, Alcide, and the security guard ride to where the woman took Russell. Bill thinks Nora is the hooded woman who released him, but Eric says his sister wouldn’t do that. Alcide doesn’t want to talk about the fact that Sookie puked on his shoes. Who can blame him? They arrive at an abandoned asylum and go inside.

While investigating the deaths of Sam’s shifter friends, Jason realizes that before they knew sups existed, vampires were getting away with murdering people and making it look like accidents and natural causes. Also, Andy is able to tell you what kind of tire left a tread just by touching it. Jason also tells Andy that he was fucking a fairy and that they were at a fairy party last night with no memory of how they got home… naked. Andy doesn’t want to talk about it cause he doesn’t want to mess up what he has going on with Holly.

Sookie leads her vamps, her werewolf, and the scared security guard through the abandoned building. They find rats feasting on dead bodies. When the security guard realizes that he may die without ever having seen New York City, Eric tells him, “New York smells like pee and the people are rude.” I just love that a centuries-old vampire used the word pee over piss.

Hoyt shows up at Fangtasia looking like he stepped out of a Pet Shop Boys video. He’s looking to get bit and Tara tells him to run along to his Mommy. Ouch.

Through one of Terry’s crazy ass flashbacks, we learn that he and Patrick and the other soldiers burn the bodies of the people they killed and through the smoke, he saw the Ifrit fire demon thingie. He realizes that the Ifrit was just waiting for them all to be in one place and he convinces Eller to untie him and Patrick. Patrick knocks Eller out and ties him to a chair. Terry is all, “Whoa, man. What you do that for?” Then he runs out to have a cigarette cause that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Patrick tries to convince Terry that they were all hopped up on drugs when they killed those people and that he didn’t see the fire demon. Terry agrees, but reluctantly. Meanwhile the Ifrit eats Eller.



Meanwhile, Lafayette awakens from a nap to find Jesus’ head on the table, his mouth sewn shut, trying to talk to him. He freaks the fuck out. Somewhere else, Lafayette’s mother is awakened by the same thing, but doesn’t look nearly as freaked out. She yells for Lafayette.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of everyone watching True Blood collectively going, “What in the entire fuck is going on?”

The security guard has had enough. He hauls ass down the hall and Sookie and company follows. They find a room full of people hanging from the ceiling in straight jackets. Seems like they’re being fed to Russell one by one. The gang leaves them, with one guy pleading for his life, to finish looking for Russell.

Sam visits Luna and tells her about the murdered shifters. When he leaves, a truck full of masked guys shoot him. Of course Luna’s dumb ass runs out to see what happened, and gets shots too. THEN little Emma comes out, but before she can get shot, she shifts into a wolf pup and takes off into the woods.

As Ramon delivers an inspiring speech to his followers, Jason visits his parents grave. Tara feeds on Hoyt in the restroom of Fangtasia, but Jessica (who is feeding on a woman in the next stall) hears and they fight.

Sookie, Alcide, Bill, and Eric find Russell looking a lot better than when we last saw him. Eric says they came to finish what they started. Just as he’s about to attack, something happens to Alcide and he hits the floor.

About Nina Perez (1391 Articles)
Nina Perez is the founder of Project Fandom. She is also the author of a YA series of books, "The Twin Prophecies," and a collection of essays titled, "Blog It Out, B*tch." Her latest books, a contemporary romance 6-book series titled Sharing Space, are now available on for Kindle download. She has a degree in journalism, works in social media, lives in Portland, Oregon, and loves Idris Elba. When not watching massive amounts of British television or writing, she is sketching plans to build her very own TARDIS. She watches more television than anyone you know and she's totally fine with that.

17 Comments on True Blood - S5E5 - Let’s Boot and Rally

  1. I don’t know what the first few minutes of that episode were trying to do to me….but I had some Sookie, “Seriously, woman?! You blew it!” rage.

    Then it got all crazy. I watched the second half this morning and I’m glad I had this recap! This damn show!

  2. I don’t care how badly I had to puke, but I would have done the nasty with Alcide no matter what. Even if I had to swallow my own puke before it came out. Seriously. And I get why the vamps love Sookie…it’s her Fairy magnetism/blood. But what does Alcide see in that thing?? Ugh. I am so much better for him.

    Also, I couldn’t stop laughing at your last epi recap with the constant “and I got bored” about Terry’s storyline. I am the same way. I don’t care what’s happening there at all. The boyfriend seems to think something important is about to happen. I laughed at him.

    Oh and Tara makes a hotter vampire than human. I thought so even before she got Pam-glammed. I guess they are taking a cue from Twilight with the whole vampires are much more beautiful than they were when human thing.

  3. I had these two little pity tears come out when I saw Hoyt dressed up like that. It was so, so pathetic, and in such a dead-on “country boy trying hard to be a big city boitoi” way. I wondered if Tara was going to give him a pity-suck right there in that alleyway. I would have.

  4. You’re going to force me to rush through True Blood. I’m just on Season 3, so I can’t read this column! I’ll be back!!!!

  5. Confession: I have a girl crush on Jessica.

  6. this is all a mommy has. thanks! I think sometime in the next week I will be able to see the second episode lol

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