Wynonna Earp - S2E9 - Forever Mine Nevermind

Previously on Wynonna Earp, “No Future In The Past”

For the moment, all seems mostly well in Purgatory. Wynonna continues to nest and made something cheesy in the kitchen, Rosita has kept Xavier’s powers in check, and Doc purchased an eerie painting reminiscent of the Homestead from a combo whisky bar curio shop. True, the Widows have nearly succeeded in freeing their their super evil honey from his magical prison but Nicole had a small W early on because Tucker Gardner (Caleb Ellsworth-Clark) appeared to be dunzo! Oddly enough, his unceremonious demise had only made things worse between Waverly and Nicole, after the skin suit of Beth Gardner (Meghan Heffern) showed the former a bit of affection.

Recognizing the girls’ rough patch is only becoming more jagged, Rosita took Waverly on her spa-cation in the hopes a super relaxing chill zone that’s choking in aromatherapy and generous with its complementary champagne would brighten Baby Earp’s mood. It did and didn’t as Rosita not only motivated Waves to type a savage text to Nicole but steal a kiss after a brief chemistry lesson about the dissociation of carbonic acid in champagne. You know, that old chestnut.

So yeah, Tucker has looked a helluva lot better. Poor, demented, misguised, sadistic, candidly sadistic Tucker… after being detained and shot by Officer Haught and nearly chokeslammed by Gooverly, Gardner still holds his torch high for Waves. Such a weird, weird man. Believing that he has to protect Waverly from well, everyone but him, Tucker is cooly demanding they skip town before the Ghost River Triangle is overrun. Before the two hop in a freight train car for parts unknown, Rosita rises from the dead and mollywops Gardner. How did she survive a stabbing? Is Bustillos immortal like her boyfriend? Was her terrycloth robe lined with anti-stab threading?

Nah, she’s just a revenant! Because of course!
I swear, the writers love to sweep the leg of their viewers before dealing that final blow at episode’s end.

Speaking of mortal combat, Earp and Holliday were at each other’s throats about the status of the Clootie’s wedding ring. Their row was fairly simple: Wynonna wanted his ring to lure out the Widows and end them before they could free Sheriff Clootie. Doc believes the Widows could overpower the Heir, break the seal and then everyone will succumb to the demonic shitstorm that’ll sweep across the territories. Not to mention Holliday is fairly partial to his immortality.

I can see the merit in both Wynonna and John Henry’s arguments, but the two of them are going at it in the worst possible way. After witnessing Doc be a total dick to Robert Svane in “No Future”, Earp has it in her head that Holliday is still that callous, bullying, corrupted version of himself. We know this isn’t exactly the case - a century’s worth of isolation in a dank, moldy well would likely make any man a repentant creature.

Although both Earp and Holliday had made big strides in mastering their frailties, they revert to attacking the dark passengers in each of their souls. It probably didn’t help any that a demon doll that seemingly exudes chaos was running around just out of their sight. By the time Wynonna had Peacekeeper at Doc’s head, the old cardshark chucks the seal in Earp’s general direction, only for it to be picked up by Annabelle’s cousin. Once that porcelain rascal was shot to shit, Wynonna and John Henry appeared to be their normal selves again. Yet this time, Doc was willing to part with his ring for the sake of ending his lady’s curse.

Just when we thought the Widows were going to hide away to rethink their game plan, Beth and Mercedes decide the best defense is a full-on blitzkreig. After Dolls and Chetri cleared out the Gardner residence, the Widows focused their waning energies on loose ends, Tucker Gardner in particular. It just really wasn’t his day. He couldn’t murder right, Waverly still hated him, he just knocked out by a champagne bottle and not the Proactiv in the world could clear up that necrotic tissue on his face. If there is any good news in his bad luck life, Tucker won’t have to live it anymore thanks to Beth’s ravenous appetite.

They say “you are what you eat” so I gather for the remainder of the season, Beth will be filled with existential dread mixed with misplaced angst and ‘good guy’ syndrome. Mmm, delicious.

Concurrently, Mercedes conducted a small ritual to draw what scraps of power she could before making a house call at Nicole’s place. It’s a classic villain move that really none of us saw coming. What better way to get what you want than threaten the lives of the hero’s loved ones? It’s also a from a creative standpoint. From the moment she was introduced Nicole Haught has proven herself and outlived all the tired tropes we’ve repeatedly seen in shows to push the narrative of the protagonist. Thing is, nearly everyone in Wynonna Earp has become a fleshed out hero in their own right, so placing any of them in danger doesn’t feel so grave. Then again, stranger things have happened.

Notes from the Ghost River Dispatch

• When did Waverly get so damn good with Eskrima sticks? The Keeper of the Bones has some hidden skills up her sleeves!
• Even in death, Team Wynonna learned so much about Constance like her deceptively polygamous ways (despite her stodgy fashion sense) and how she was half-good. At least when it came to Clootie getting her way.
• Considering the few references made about decorative pillows in this episode, if a demon or other ill sort isn’t killed by one in season three, I’m gonna be awfully upset. Awfully. Upset.
• I hope that Beth continues to rhyme, every time she has a line. I’m sure she’ll whip up a nasty spell before Wynonna sends her to Hell.