American Horror Story: Coven - S3E9 - Head
Previously, on American Horror Story: Coven: “The Sacred Taking”
This week’s episode of Coven starts out in the woods of Chattahoochee with a father and son camping. They’re having a cup of coffee, and dad tells son not to be nervous and then brings out a giant rifle and what looks to be a tiny torpedo. I know nothing of hunting or guns, so I don’t know the names of anything, but it looks pretty lethal. They traipse through the foliage, guns at the ready. Despite the son being timid about his first hunt, dad wanders off. A flurry of birds takes to the sky and son raises his gun. But doesn’t shoot. Instead a woman in attire very clearly not from this era appears. Son does not put his gun down. Uh, kid, that’s a human. We don’t hunt humans. But this boy is ready to shoot something, and dad is yelling at him to shoot. Dad tackles son just as the woman - who really looked so messed up with her jacked up teeth and wild eyes and Bride of Frankenstein hair, he really should’ve shot - vomits fire at them. Dad stops, drops, and rolls and then shoots the freak woman down. Then tells the son, “No mercy. Never forget what they are.”
Ah, so they were witch hunting. Apparently in those parts, witches run rampant in the woods. And despite their ability to spit fire and incinerate some timid kid with a gun, they stand there and plead for their life. Mmmm hmmmm.
Back at Marie’s hair salon, Fiona storms in with a cardboard box. Fiona threatens to whip out Delphine’s head if Marie won’t speak to her. They go in the back where Delphine’s headless and one hand-less body is just chillin’ in the cage. Fiona proposes an alliance with Marie, and Delphine’s head starts talking from the box. Delphine is agreeing with Marie that an alliance is insane, so Fiona shoves some newspaper in her mouth to shut her up. Delphine has been decapitated and lost a hand and still this woman is causing trouble. I like her.
Fiona tells Marie about the witch hunters, and Marie could not care less - White women problems, not hers. She calls Fiona out on being too weak to take care of her own kind and needing her help to do it. Fiona swears that when the witch hunters are done with them, Marie’s people are next. Marie is not concerned. She orders Queenie to burn Delphine’s head, and Delphine is pleased to finally find her sweet release. Fat chance, lady. Nobody on this show dies. Madison will be sewing you back together in no time.
Back at the house, Cordelia is making herself something to eat. Have I mentioned how unbelievably adept this newly blind person is? She got the frying pan all set up, got the eggs out, and was getting herself a plate and oops, she knocked over the eggs. Seriously, she got through all that and eggs sitting innocuously on a counter is where she got tripped up? Then she yells at people not to move things because some of them are blind. Did she not feel the cardboard on her hand as she pushed that carton of eggs? I thought blind people’s other senses were heightened when their sight was gone.
Myrtle comes in to help her and Cordelia screams to let her clean up her own mess. This being blind thing has made her freaking bipolar. Myrtle pleads for Cordelia to believe her; that she did not throw the acid in Cordelia’s face. Cordelia already believed that. They have a cheesy pseudo-mother/daughter moment, and Cordelia never once closes those freaky milky eyes of hers.
Hank is visiting… the witch hunter headquarters? Not sure, but there is one fine, black man working there, so he’s gonna need to visit this place more often. His father lectures him on his poor performance in New Orleans. Black man (David) does as well. They order Hank to get back into the coven house and also reveal that they were the ones who blinded Cordelia in an attempt to force Cordelia to need him. Oops, that backfired. Hank is appalled they’d do that to his wife; his father is appalled he actually has feelings for a witch. He slams his hand onto the desk revealing the burn scars. So him and Hank are the father and son from the woods. But I thought he had an accent back then? Hank recites his witch hunter oath, and daddy is happy to hear it. He gives Hank a kiss on the head and reminds him that he’s gonna need to kill his wife pretty soon.
Myrtle is raving over a melon baller and serves up some melon balls to the Council members. They’re thrilled that Myrtle has been revived and are impressed at how great she’s recovered. They talk about Misty, and one of the Council members offers a toast just as her throat closes up. Then the little man Council member drops his glass as he freezes in place. Myrtle goes into detail about how she’s poisoned them, making them living statues. She promises not to kill them until at least after dessert. She worked hard on that key lime pie after all. She waxes on about their betrayal and then uses the melon baller to scoop an eye out of the female Council member. Yipes! I had to look away, but the mushy gushy sound effects were enough for me to cringe. She drops the eye into the bowl of melons and smiles.
In Cordelia’s room, Myrtle uncovers her face slowly to reveal that she’s got two new eyes, each a different color. Cordelia declares that she can see. I declare I am so glad not to see those milky-ass eyes anymore.
Fiona comes home to see that Cordelia has been cured of her blindness, and Myrtle proudly takes the credit. Fiona says the eyes look familiar, and Myrtle says the donors wished to remain anonymous. We get a shot of her happily chopping up bloody body parts and dancing them around before dropping them in a barrel of acid. Fiona says the only reason Myrtle did it was out of guilt for blinding Cordelia in the first place. Myrtle calls Fiona out on being a murderer. Fiona threatens to have Myrtle banished by calling an emergency meeting of the Council. I had to laugh - good luck on that one, Fiona.
Cordelia orders them to quit fighting, and those damn mismatched eyes are just as weird as the milky ones! She tells Myrtle to treat Fiona like the Supreme she is, and she orders Fiona to stop being so mean to “Auntie Myrtle.” She gives Myrtle a hug as she leaves to take a nap and discovers her visions are gone.
Madison and Zoe go to the hospital to find Nan. She’s sitting outside of Luke’s hospital room. His mother refuses to let Nan see him. Madison and Zoe storm right in - why Nan didn’t do that is beyond me - and Luke’s mom loses her shit. She blames them for him being in the coma, having no idea that it was witches she owes her own life to. Nan speaks on Luke’s behalf, and his mother is not amused. They tell her that Nan is clairvoyant, but she doesn’t believe them. So Luke speaks to Nan some more about a song mom sang when he was little. Mom is still doubtful, but as they leave, she breaks into song. Nothing happens or changes, but mom reaches out for Nan’s hand and then hugs her when the song is over, and they have a happy beautiful moment… about nothing.
Queenie comes home where Delphine is propped up on a TV tray. Delphine is demanding food; Queenie reminds her she has no stomach. She pops Roots into the DVD player and says she won’t let Delphine die until she’s been educated about the black people she tortured. She’s got a black movie marathon in store, including the movie B.A.P.S. An African American culture classic if I ever saw one. Right up there with The Color Purple. She switches on Roots and starts dancing around to the “jungle music” Delphine hates so much. Queenie leaves her there to suffer, and Delphine begins singing “Dixie” at the top of her nonexistent lungs.
In a hotel room, Hank is eating some Chinese takeout when his wrist is suddenly slit open and he’s flung to the floor. Bones are broken, guts are slashed, and a black man storms in. Marie is using a voodoo doll to inflict some serious pain, and he wants to make sure Hank knows it’s her. She calls and tells him that the witches die tonight, or she’ll stick a pin right through his heart. He lies there bleeding and panting, and I’m not sure how he’s supposed to even stand, let alone kill somebody, but nobody disappoints Marie so he better get it together.
Misty is listening to - wait for it - Stevie Nicks, and she’s making some potion with Cordelia. They spread the mixture over a dead plant; Misty starts chanting, and the plant comes back to life. Misty is blown away by how cool it was. Bringing back humans? Yeah, whatever. But flowers? Be still my heart, that crap is amazing. Misty wanders off, and Hank wanders in. He’s thrilled to see that Cordelia has her sight back, but Cordelia is not happy to see him. Hank begs her to take him back, and Misty comes back to interrupt. Hank asks her to leave, Cordelia asks him to leave, and Misty stares wide-eyed at their lovers quarrel. Awkward.
Hank goes in the house to get his things, and there’s a dog barking up a storm at him. When did they get a dog? Fiona saunters up the stairs and says they got the dog for protection. They are WITCHES. They create fire and move things with their minds and bring people back from the dead. What are they so afraid of? Hank has a clever line, saying that Fiona got a dog because “Bitches stick together”, and she rips the bottom of his box open to scatter his stuff everywhere.
Fiona follows the dog down the hallway to the room where Kyle is hidden. Kyle happily declares “dog” while the dog licks his face, and Fiona is annoyed that there’s yet another boy roaming around. She tells Kyle to leave and beckons for her dog, but there’s a sickly crack that tells me Kyle got a little carried away with the snuggles. Again.
At the hospital, mom brings Nan a pile of… banana bread? Some sort of baked good in plastic and declares Nan a miracle. Nan is beaming with pride and then drops a bomb. Luke knows his mom killed his father because his father was having an affair and was going to leave his mother. She locked him in his car with a bunch of bees, which he was deathly allergic to. Suddenly, Nan is not a miracle and mom is not happy with her. She orders Nan to leave them alone and sends her on her way. Without the baked goods.
Hank is in his hotel room loading up a gun. Why he didn’t do this the FIRST time he headed over to the house, I’m not sure. But he pops his collar and lets out a heavy breath, so I guess this time, he is ready to do something.
Nan, Madison, and Zoe come home to find Fiona and Kyle playing cards. He’s speaking clearly and coherently and apparently winning. Fiona says she took the liberty of sprucing him up. They need a guard dog, one who will attack on command, and since Kyle appears to have killed the actual dog, I guess Fiona figured he’d make a perfectly suitable replacement.
Queenie comes home to find the Roots marathon is over, but Delphine kept her eyes closed the whole time. So she bumps some old soulful tunes since Delphine can’t cover her ears - ha, she has no hands, get it? - and says if that music doesn’t touch her soul, then she doesn’t have one. Let me save you both some time - she killed a baby and stuck a bull head on an innocent boy - the answer is no.
Hank storms into Marie’s shop and starts shooting up the place, popping a cap right in Queenie’s gut. He takes out a couple other people and makes his way toward Marie while Queenie crawls to one of the guns he’s dropped. Just as he’s about to take out Marie, Queenie shoots herself in the head, and for some reason, there was a bullet left in that gun. Why he discarded a loaded gun makes no sense. But Queenie’s done what she needed to - his head blows up, and she collapses to the ground. His dad cries over the pictures of his dead body, but really, your witch hunting school should’ve taught him better than that.
Delphine cries as she watches Roots, but I still maintain she has no soul. That’s just a damn good movie.
Luke wakes up at the hospital and declares mom a murderer. He cries, and she tells him to go back to sleep before covering his face with a pillow.
We close the show with Marie knocking at Fiona’s door and Fiona’s smug grin as she lets her in.
Hot damn, that is the first time ALL SEASON that I was upset the show ended! And with the previews of the second half of the season, I’m excited for the next episode! There have been some major misses with the writing and the dialogue and plot overall, but I feel like it’s finally coming together and capitalizing on its potential. For me, that was a solid episode, touching on all the many storylines and leaving them all in a place where I eagerly anticipate what’s next. If things progress the way I hope they do, this season is gonna go out with a major bang, and all the buildup and missteps along the way will be well worth it.
We’re going into hiatus, but I look forward to the show’s return next year. Until then…
