Archie #14

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Previously in Archie #13

Archie #14 | Writer: Mark Waid with Lori Matsumoto | Artist: Joe Eisma | Coloring: Andre Szymanowicz | Letterer: Jack Morelli | Publisher: Archie Comics

And we thought things couldn’t get any weirder…

Roughly a week and some change has passed since Archie and Veronica were forcibly separated by Hiram Lodge. As expected, their heartache was immense and for a moment, neither one appeared equipped to handle the rest of their lives without the other (*sigh*, teenagers). What was surprising in issue fourteen is who had an easier time coping with the sudden disconnect thanks to Mr. Lodge’s raging ego.

Life in Switzerland couldn’t be going any better for Ronnie; her “friendship” with Cheryl Blossom has revived the killer instinct she sheathed after Archie stumbled his way into her heart. Since the traumatic prank Blossom orchestrated last issue, Veronica wanted nothing to do with the ginger she-devil. Yet her pompous rival couldn’t help but repeatedly poke at Ronnie’s substantial ego. It’s one thing to say her fashion is a season late and her shoes look horrendous… but never, ever say the Lodges are middle class.

Now a woman possessed, Veronica made short work of Cheryl’s finicky circle of friends, adorning them with swag and other incentives to sway them to her favor. It wasn’t too difficult a task as nearly all of the girls were tired of Blossom’s conceitedness and disdainful attitude. The old Ronnie appeared to make a full resurgence until her newfound conscience - formed thanks to her friendships with Archie and Betty - rattled Lodge during her moment of triumph. Although Ronnie schemed her way to the top of the hill mainly out of vengeance, the time spent with Andrews enlightened her to forming more lasting bonds with others through sympathy and acts of kindness. Sure, it doesn’t help to have a near-limitless line of credit to buy the best for one’s friends. But now Veronica’s actions have greater meaning behind them.

Regrettably, the complete opposite has occurred with young Mr. Andrews. The torment Archie had endured within is now being manifest from without as he quickly became a disheveled mess, uncaring of his appearance or choice of words. It doesn’t help that his parent’s 20th wedding anniversary is a couple days away, but who cares?! Veronica isn’t around so let’s pig out! Speaking of, Archie’s sudden descent into a slovenly lifestyle was solely inspired by Jughead’s supposed “lazy” outlook on the world. For one, Jug isn’t lazy so much that he has finely curated an intricate balance between unattached opinionatedness and honing on the few interests that give him the greatest joy. It’s not about eating and lounging for long periods of time but attaining a zen-like state of detachment.

Yes. Jughead is a sassy Buddhist (of sorts).

Alas, poor Archie made his way to the hospital (again) completely devoid of tact or rational thought for that matter. The absolute worst occurred when Arch began talking smack to his own parents about how miserable they look after being together for twenty years. What are you doing, dog? Feeling partly to blame for his best friend’s emotional tailspin, Jughead is now on the case to slap some sense into his old pal and maybe ensure his mom and dad don’t throw him out of the house once recovered.

Seriously, there’s no way any human on planet earth would be allowed to live under the same roof again after that rant. Sheesh.

This month’s variants were illustrated by Derek Charm and Alitha Martinez!