Scandal - S3E12 - We Do Not Touch the First Ladies
Previously on Scandal, ‘Ride, Sally, Ride’
Olivia Pope’s vagina must be laced with gold and secrete the healing tears of angels. It must smell like roses and happiness. It must taste like strawberries, peaches, and freedom. It must be tighter than a constrictor knot.
It has to be because Jake is standing outside the hotel room where Olivia and Fitz are arguing, presumably after having sex. They’re arguing about Jake being there. WHY is he there? He’s there because Olivia can’t be seen coming out of a hotel where Fitz is so she will leave with Jake. I suppose this somehow makes sense to her, but how inconsiderate can she be? This man just told you that he loves you and you have him standing outside the room you’re in screwing the married president? Olivia, look at your life, girl!
Anyway, she tells Fitz that having Jake by her side isn’t for him, it’s for her. It’s so that people don’t whisper about her and think she’s a whore. Fitz is apologetic, and starts to make promises, but Olivia tells him not to. “This is where we are. This is for today.”
In a meeting at the White House, Andrew admits that one reason he took the job was to be close to Mellie. She tells him to tamp down any expectations because nothing is going to happen between them.
Flashback to 14 years ago: Mellie and Fitz are arguing because she doesn’t want to go to a function for his father. He doesn’t understand why, and why she won’t let him touch her or have sex with her. Andrew listens outside the door and Mellie storms out.
In present day, Adnan and Harrison are getting dressed and she quickly reminds him of the parts of her he didn’t miss: the manipulative part that wants him to do something nefarious with a briefcase full of cash. She asks if Olivia knows about Clearwater, or if she thinks all he did was some insider trading.
Abby and David’s “I love you” moment is interrupted when he gets a message from James. James is freaking the fuck out because Cyrus wants to meet with Vanessa, the reporter who got the Publius info. James talks Cyrus out of it and says he should be the one to question her.
Fitz has a new scandal to worry about: Someone in his office while he was governor was getting illegal pain meds. Andrew says it was him.
Jake gets some serious on boarding. Two agents come in with a briefcase full of files and secrets. It’s basically the passing of the espionage baton. Eli’s voiceover tells Jake this is all the info he’ll need to run B613. Protect the Republic, Jake. Oh, and you have a White House inside source who will make themselves known to you shortly. This was Jake:
Leo preps Sally to meet with a big donor, but she’s preoccupied with staring at the rug where her husband’s body fell after she stabbed him. The big donor is Hollis! This is not good. He knows where a lot of Fitz’s bodies are buried. He wants to pick the Energy Secretary in exchange for a big-ass check. Sally is so out of it, but she agrees.
Andrew’s story: He pulled his back during the campaign and got a package of Oxy delivered, keeping it a secret because he was pushing hard for drug reform. Olivia tries to threaten the reporter who has the story, but it doesn’t work. Andrew offers to take the fall. Olivia thinks this will work if, for some reason, they can’t fix it.
Olivia, Harrison, and Abby try to figure out who dug up the story. They rule out Leo Bergen. Olivia calls Jake because she suspects her father is the leak. Even though he says Eli has no power, he reluctantly agrees to look into it.
Huck brings Olivia coffee and it is creepy as fuck.
Charlie gets a call from Jake to look into Eli, and despite Quinn’s pleas to help, Charlie tells her to have a damn seat. Charlie tryna keep his damn job.
Mellie pleads with Andrew not to take the fall, but he says someone needs to be on her side since it won’t be Fitz. Nice callback to Mellie asking Fitz to, just once, be on her side. Another flashback reveals that Andrew found Mellie passed out from an Oxy overdose and forced her to throw up. Now we know (for sure) that the drugs were Mellie’s.
Cyrus is nervous because James was only able to schedule an exclusive interview with Vanessa and Fitz at the end of the month. Cyrus says he’ll take care of it. James calls David in another panic and David suggests that James leak the NSA tape to Vanessa. David then lies to Abby about who he was talking to.
Charlie is watching Olivia and Eli have dinner, but is called off the job because Cyrus needs him. Quinn has been watching Charlie from another car and then she starts spying on Olivia and her dad using binoculars. Inside the restaurant, Olivia tries to get her father to admit what he’s doing and back off under the guise of being concerned about him, but I think last week he told us how he feels about Olivia’s concern. It doesn’t work.
Olivia leaves, and spots Quinn spying because Quinn suuuuucks. She gets in the car and asks Quinn to come home. Quinn says no because Huck licked her face. Ummm, didn’t she go back to work AFTER that only to get dissed? Anyway, she refuses to leave B613, even though she’s not B613, and then pulls a gun on Olivia when Olivia refuses to get out of her car.
WHEN IS QUINN GOING TO DIE?
Jake comes home (Olivia’s home) using his Official Boyfriend of Olivia Pope Key. She jumps all up his ass for putting Quinn on Eli’s tail and he politely tells her to back the fuck off. He didn’t do it. She needs to be less bossy. Also, “Stock the damn fridge.” He wants to come home to real food. Not some damn wine and popcorn. Now, if she’ll excuse him, he’s going to wash the long day off of him before they have “pretend sex.”
Olivia! Basically: “This could be us, but you playing!”
Harrison gets liquored up and then makes a call to the Grant Campaign to make a donation. Harrison, look at your choices, boo!
Leo calls Hollis to find out if and when that check is coming in. Hollis tells him to settle down. He has Jews and Asians that handle all that financial shit for him. Oh, Hollis. You lovable racist. I bow down to your not-give-a-fuckness.
Abby asks Huck to hack into David’s emails because he’s acting sus. Harrison doesn’t approve, but Abby side-eyes him into silence. Then Harrison and Abby threaten the doctor who supplied “Andrew” with the Oxy. He says he has nothing left to lose and when they ask if he doesn’t have a problem ruining a good man’s career, he responds, “SHE should have thought about that before she called me.”
James is freaking out AGAIN. He meets with David in broad-ass daylight. Vanessa wants to meet Publius. David agrees to go in James’ place and they text her a meeting time and location. Charlie has hacked into Vanessa’s phone so he and Cyrus see the text and Cyrus warns Charlie that the meeting cannot happen. Hollis meets with Cyrus and says he’ll be at the donor dinner that night. Is Hollis playing both sides?
Mellie wants to make sure Fitz is not on board with Olivia’s suggestion to dump Andrew from the ticket. Fitz says he will talk to Olivia and then warns her off from talking to Olivia when she offers to do it. She wants to know what it’s like to want someone, to be so hot for them that you’ll do anything for them. Girl, he said he ain’t got.the.time.
Flashback: Andrew wants to know why Mellie tried to kill herself and she tells him that “my father-in-law forced himself on me and I don’t know if my son is his, and sometimes that makes me not want to be alive.” Damn. I called it in last week’s podcast that she had to have told Andrew about the rape because 1. it has to come out and 2. the only way it will come out is if someone else knows. I don’t see Mellie confessing that any time soon. And let’s face it, she has had many reasons and opportunities to lob that ball of hurt at Fitz in the past few years and she hasn’t.
Olivia watches a commercial for the big interview that night. Harrison tells her that the doctor won’t budge, but he did let slip it was a woman. And then he says, “The fastest way to discredit a source is to make it look like he was paid off.” She says they can’t do that, but he repeats himself and leaves. Huck comes in with another creepy cup of coffee.
Remember what Olivia said they couldn’t do? Welp. That’s exactly what they’ve done. She tells Mellie the interview is off and she thanks her. Then Olivia confronts her with what she suspects and tells her whatever is going on with Andrew has to stop. She knows how hard it is, but it has to stop. And then Mellie gets all up in Olivia’s face and tells her, “We are not the same. When I had the chance to cheat, I kept my knees together. We are not the same.” Werk, Mellie. Werk!
Flashback: We see that Mellie is telling the truth: She and Andrew admitted their feelings towards one another, but she shot him down.
At the donor dinner, Fitz spies Hollis and tells Cyrus to refund whatever he paid because they will no longer take another dime from him. Cyrus then tells James to cancel the exclusive interview between Fitz and Vanessa because he will be finding out who her source is shortly. James calls David and tells him not to go to the meeting, but David doesn’t get the message because he’s too busy being pushed into a trunk.
David calls Abby from the trunk to tell her he loves her. And then the trunk opens to reveal that it was her and Huck who snatched him up. David is one lucky ass. Charlie calls Cyrus to tell him Publius didn’t show. He offers to snatch Vanessa and text Publius that they will kill her if he doesn’t show, but Cyrus tells him no.
Adnan approaches Cyrus at the donor dinner and introduces herself. He wants her to leave, but she offers up big donor bucks and suddenly he’s all ears.
Jake chastises Quinn for being herself. She’s barely listening because she’s emailing him pics of Leo meeting with Eli. BOOM! She’s good for something. She tells him the first taste is free and leaves.
Huck brings Olivia another creepy cup of coffee and she is finally like, “What the fuck, Huck? You know I don’t drink coffee.” They’e peace offerings because he knows she’s mad at him. She tells him he went too far with Quinn. I say he didn’t go far enough, but whatever. He tells her YOU went too far. She had him on a leash, she let me off that leash. She ruined Quinn, had him save her, but her in his care. She shouldn’t have given him someone to love because he’s a monster and monsters eat people.
Mellie finds Andrew admiring the portraits of the past first ladies. She tells him that Olivia handled the problem. He notes that Fitz seems to really like Olivia. When he asks what would happen if he kisses her, Mellie backs away. He tosses back the line she gave him when he asked about touching one of the portraits, “We do not touch the first ladies.” She kisses him and we know that is years of pent up sexual frustration and neglect. Andrew is NOT ready for that jelly. She breaks it off and rushes out the room. Andrew watches her go and then touches one of the paintings because he is all out of fucks at this point.
Olivia and Fitz are in the oval office going over donor stuff when she says it will keep till tomorrow. He wants to talk about personal stuff. She tells him she has to take care of herself and her people. She can’t always be worried about his ass. He asks if she has feelings for Jake. That’s none of your business, sir. He asks again.
Tom the Secret Service guy brings Jake an envelope. He’s B613! He’s in the inside source. He’ll be bringing him nightly deliveries. Jake watches a video of the oval office and Fitz asking Olivia if she has feelings for him. Her answer? “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know.”
Jake is like….
Adnan returns to her hotel room and there is Mama Pope. “So, we’re in?” she asks.
“We’re in.”
